It's Not my Problem

It's not my problem!  Just deal with it! I'm through, finished, done with trying to help you. I know we have all felt that way at some point in time or another. It is hard to know exactly when to throw your hands in the air and say, "I have had enough."

There are a lot of factors that come into play when we make the decision to divorce ourselves from a situation. For example: do you ever really give up on a child? I watched my father for decades as he came to the aid and rescue of his children. He was tired, frustrated and really ticked off at times, but he never gave up.

What about a marriage? Throwing in the towel has become easy, well maybe simple is a better word. Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows its not easy. What act, behavior or obstacle becomes so overwhelming that we are unwilling to try one more time. With a couple of well-placed signatures people sign away decades of work, commitment, shared experiences, not to mention all the collateral damage that is done.

Then there are friends, business associates and organizations that simply are not responsive to feedback, input or help. There are challenges in every relationship that require us to really stop and think about whether we are doing any good. Sometimes we enable people and organizations by allowing them to continue to behave badly. We reinforce bad behavior when it is rewarded or ignored. On the other hand, we really hate to quit on someone (or something) we love.

So, I will ask the question again. When does a realationship become such a headache that we finally say, "It's not my problem. It's on  you! I'm finished."

Jumping the Shark

Most of us have heard the phrase, "Jumping the Shark." The term is used to describe that pivotal piont in time when a television show has reached its peak and starts to decline. The phrase came from a 1977 episode of Happy Days when Fonzie agreed to jump a shark on waterskis. From that point in time forward (though the show lasted 7 more years) it struggled to hold its audience share, went through several character changes and finally aired its last episode on September 24, 1984.

What I find most interesting about this phenomenon are the characteristics that could just as easily be applied to our approch to evangelism and church growth. I know that sounds like a strange comparison, but stay with me for a minute.

1. Most successful church works reach a plateau where they begin to ask what needs to be done to continue to grow. Sadly, many churches in an effort to stay relevant "jump the shark." They begin to pursue extreme (and often ridiculous) measures to keep people flowing in the doors. We look at the ratings and revenues rather than souls.
2. Change, change, change. Rather than spending time looking for legitimate answers to those questions, we go through a series of plot changes (new programs), character changes (turn over of staff), and any other quick fixes that might slow or stop the decline.
3. Loss of identity. At some point through this process the organization no longer looks like what it once did. Joanie loves Chachi did not have the same charm, warmth and fun that Happy Days did. It is ultimately this loss of identity and mission that causes a television show (or church) to look at the harsh realities (cancelling the programming or closing the doors).

This year I have spoken for a number of struggling churches who have taken one of two approaches to their decline. The first is to do nothing, throw up their hands and wonder what happened. The other is to embrace every new idea, ism and gimmick in an effort to keep the numbers up. How about a third option? Pray and ask for God's direction. Listen to the membership that you serve (what are their needs and impressions). Review  your guiding principles and values. What were the key elements that once made you a strong and vibrant church.

Broken

I recieved a call a few weeks ago asking me to speak on the topic of Healing from Broken Relationships. Having been through a divorce and a couple of challenging business relationships in my life, I have a little insight into the topic.

For the past few weeks I have been scanning pictures back into my computer. Inevitably when that happens a certain picture, or event from the past comes to light that stirs the emotions, opens an old wound, or may even brings back fond memories of days gone by. When I think about that it reminds me that healing can take place, but the scars don't always go away.

When I was 13 I ran my finger through a bandsaw at school. It cost me my spot on the baseball team and I have never fully recovered from that lost season. Today, that little finger is still twisted and only enjoys limited function. It has healed completely, but it will never be what it once was. I realize that as a metaphor that sounds rather dark and discouraging, but I am not saying we don't recover, we do and in recovering we make adjustments for the wounds from our past.

The periods of brokeness in my life have made me stronger. I worked harder at my baseball skills, struggled to regain strength in my finger so I can butcher the guitar. I pay closer attention now to all my relationships. Being broken isn't a bad thing, staying broken is devastating.

I will always have memories of good times and bad.

Why I go to church (or don't go sometimes).

The picture to your left is the reason I go to church. No, its more than the Spring Meadows Church of Christ that calls me to worship, but the things I experience when I am there. I have gone through a lot of different phases on my spiritual journey. There have been times I have just been plain tired, frustrated and discouraged. I have felt it would just be easier to stay home and get my religous fix from a wavy-haired tele-evangelist on a 42 inch flat panel screen.

As I look over my past I realize I have had lots of different motives for going to church. My parents made me attend, or deal with the consequences! I went out of fear, knowing that skipping church was the fast-track to a hell-fire and brimstone reprimand. I have heard "forsake not the assembling of yourselves together..." so many times I thought it was tattooed on my forehead. Then there was the guilt factor - I was the minister, I had to set the example, but I really didn't feel like dealing with the people.

So, for me it is time to be real about our worship time together. Why do I go to church - to experience God and the love of family. Sometimes I fear we so focus on "doing church" right that we leave the "Spirit" out of the spirit and truth passage (John 4:24). I am frankly tired of people using terms like "reverence" and "decently and in order" to choke the life out of our worship experience.

I understand that there are acceptable and unacceptable forms of worship. We have those who embrace every new idea and crazy ism. There are folks whose minds are so open their brains fell out. I also know that worship is to be experienced, cherished and shared. It is a time to rejoice, sing praises and pour out our spirits to God.

Why do I go to church? I go to be with my Father and spend a joyous time together with my family. The real point of this is not "why do I go, or not go" - but what draws others to worship and why should they stay.

Trent Wheeler

My Addictions

I was reminded this morning of how much we all have in common. You probably opened this blog to find out what I was coming clean about. Does he have an alcohol or drug addiction, is he hooked on internet pornography - what is the juicy scoop? If that is your only motivation - shame on you. If you logged in to what was going on and how you could help -  God bless you!

The truth is I have lots of struggles in my life: pride, arrogance, a judgmental spirit. Like most men I have to be very careful about lust, greed and selfish-ambition. Are they addictions - I don't think so, but as David said, "my sins are ever before me."

No, this post is about the power of transparency. I have a friend who is at a challenging place in her life and she was open enough to share her struggles and her failures with her Facebook community. It was amazing in a matter of minutes how many people came to her side. They shared their own struggles and offered prayers and support in her time of need.

We only rob ourselves of friendship, fellowship, love and support when we keep our cares and worries to ourselves. Occassionally I get a nice note from someone thanking me for my openness and transparency, as if I was doing the world some kind of favor. The truth is I am the benificiary when I put away the pretense and open my life to those who love me.

The Kanon of Life

In the old Greek language, the term "kanon" referred to a stick or a measuring rod. We might compare it to a ruler or a tape measure. Over time the word transformed to apply to the thing being measured. In scholarly circles it is most often used in its application to the kanon of scripture. What standards must be met before we accept a book or teaching as inspired.

Stop for just a minute as ask yourself about, "the kanon of life." What is your standard for the legacy you hope to leave? What criteria have you set for yourself to measure the excellence of your life. Conversations get interesting when we start talking about ourselves, because it reveals a lot about our motives. We tend to exalt the good and ignore the bad.

• I was a good parent, or provider for my children.
• I always worked hard and gave 100% to my employer.
• I was a good neighbor, citizen, friend to those around me.

We all have our own lists, but even those are based in our own prejudice and bias. What makes you a good parent, employee or friend? Would those around you draw the same conclusions? And then there is always that sticky, pesty standard - what does God think?

I like Stephen Covey's way of looking at our legacy, or the kanon of our life. If I were attending my own funeral and 4 people were selected to speak (a family member, community leader, religious leader and co-worker), what would I want them to say. Now that I can look at the standard I want for my life, how am I going to get there? What needs to change?

The Bible gives us some pretty good advice about the standards we set for ourselves, "When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise" (2 Corinthians 10:12).

Digital Fingerprints

I was reading a friends updates on facebook and getting a good laugh from the stuff they found on a used cell phone they purchased. It was a great reminder that just because we hit delete or erase, it doesn't mean that our information isn't being stored somewhere. My son just accepted his first full time position after college and his employers told him, "Be careful what you post on your Facebook account." Good Advice!

I am 51 years old and seen a lot of good days and bad. I have concerned myself at times about saying the right thing, and gone off the reservation on other occasions. I have reached a point in my life where I am content to say what needs to be said and let the chips fall where they may.

I don't care if my comments are politically incorrect. I am not particularly concerned whether or not my religious friends agree with all my views, or if I rattle a few cages. As long as I can look in the mirror in good conscience.

I spent too much of my life worrying about what people think, how it will affect my job or influence. As Shakespeare so eloquently said, "to thine own self be true." That is why my blog is titled, UNTETHERED. I am putting my digital fingerprint out in cyberspace, knowing it never truly goes away. I believe that is the hieght of honesty. Say what you mean and stand behind it.

So as my video blog is preparing to soon follow, be warned. You won't always like what I say, but you can rest assured it comes from a place of honest conviction. And while our views change, and positions shift over time, what you read will reflect my thoughts or position at a particular place in my personal history.

Church 2.0

Web 2.0 is commonly associated with web applications that facilitate interactive information sharing, user-centered design, and collaboration on the World Wide Web. Rather than every individual building their own proprietary platforms and programs, creative minds work together building, improving and advancing applications through collaboration.

I have worked with churches and faith-based initiatives for over 25 years. I have been blessed to work with the most tender-hearted, loving and compassionate people you would ever want to meet, but somehow the word collaboration never seems to enter their vocabularly. They can be so passionate about their church, their ministry, their vision of a better world that they fail to see the power of working together in an open environmnet.

So I sit here today asking myself, "why the reluctance to work together?" These are a few of the answers that came to mind.

1. EGO! I know better than anyone else what my community, my charity, and my program needs.I have run into this in business and I see it all the time in ministry. It is a failed mission when it becomes all about me and not about the people I serve.
2. FEAR! I could write an entire blog about fear. We are afraid of losing control, afraid of losing donations, afraid that others ideas might outshine our own, afraid that our true motives might come to light. Fear is crippling, we can never grow a good work if we are continually motivated by fear.
3. MONEY! It is hard enough to find the money in today's economy, if I collaborate with others, the funds will be diluted. Nothing is further from the truth. A true spirit of collaboration will increase donations to both. People will begin to see it is about the mission. Money follows purpose, not personality.

In the computer world everyone is winning from the Web 2.0 movement. Better programs,  better platforms, better ideas are coming from collaborative efforts. Maybe its time for Church 2.0. A global assembly of God's people committed to the common good, growth and development of Christian principles and ministry.

Sadly, we remain divided in so many areas: Thomas Mott once said, "The price we have paid for a divided Christendom is an unbelieving world."

A belated tribute

In Wild at Heart, John Eldridge spends a good bit of time discussing the "wounds from the father." He talks about how our fathers have left scars that we must bring to reconciliation. While there are difficult memories of trying times growing up, there is a fundemental truth that over-rides every  harsh word, or errant action of my own father - HE LOVED US.

Yes, he had a strange way of showing it sometimes. He was a hard man! He was old-school when it came to discipline! He certainly was not the great communicator, but you couldn't question his love for his family. How many times did he come to our rescue? How often did he bail us out of trouble? He put groceries on the table, paid for a college education and provided well for my mother even after his death.

I believe there is a problem in our society with wanting to blame somebody for the circumstances of our own lives and parents are easy targets. I haven't lived a perfect life and if my children choose to focus on my mistakes, there are plenty for them to choose from. I have failed them at times, I have not always set the best example, but I feel the most guilt when I see them making mistakes they learned from me. Even with all that, if I can accomplish two goals in raising my children, I will take whatever criticism and harsh words that may be etched on my legacy:

1. May my children always know that I loved them. I know my father loved me and "love covers a multitude of sins." Whatever else happens in this world - know that I love you unconditionally.
2. God loves you! Where I have failed with my imperfect love, God loves you perfectly, genuinely and completely. His arms are always open to you and forgiveness is just a whisper away.

So to all the dads who have messed up, failed miserably, and fallen short of the Huxtable model of parenthood - there is still a path to redemption. Remind your children today how much you love them. Tell them, show them, and bestow upon them an endless flow of love and understanding.

Open Source Living

I just finished the book, "What Would Google Do?," and I found it a very compelling read. Much of what Google has done is to build an open source community where others can build, or profit from their platform (of course Google profits most from this philosophy). The fundemental premise is to open your platform to others who will improve, revise and contribute to the greater good in the community (i.e. OpenOffice & Wikipedia). Yes, Google also has closed networks, and proprietary features, but the general concept has helped others and in so doing enriched Google.

What if we practiced "open source living."  Everyday I am trying to be the best I can be, but unfortunately I do that from a skewed, biased perspective. If you ask me, I am a pretty good guy, talented, intelligent and if you are over 50, I am not to hard on the eyes (and yes there is a little ego there). What if I allowed others to contribute to my pursuit of perfection - yes there are risks, but let me share three thoughts with you about "Open Source Living."

1. We already allow others to impact our "programming." We read self-help books, hire trainers, dietitians, even medical professionals to advise us how to have a better life. Some of us consult with counselors, preachers or friends in areas we need improvement. Still, we can be very protective in this area, even when we seek advice and improvement.
2. Your life has certain open source elements already. There are people who talk to us and about us with or without permission. They comment on our shoes and on our work-ethic. They make judgments about our moral conduct and our parenting skills. People are trying to write chapters into our lives whether we want them too or not.
3. So what if we take a Wikipedia approach to life. Here is Trent version 1.0. Make your edits, your changes, and your contributions. Once you are finished, I will go back and edit the results in an effort to retain accuracy (and my overly active ego). Folks are going to talk about me anyway, how about I give them permission to do it to my face.

So here is your chance friends and enemies, brothers and sisters, acquantances and strangers. Today is an experiment in open source living. This is your chance to add your praise or criticisms, your suggestions and concerns. Trent version 1.02 will be released after the weekend.

Trent Wheeler

LIghten Up

I have done some pretty ignorant things in my life. From high school antics that nearly landed me in jail, to thrill-seeking adventures in developing countries that could have gotten me killed. With the exception of those times my actions and behaviors really hurt other people, I've had a great life.

I have accidentally walked into women's rest rooms and laughed at myself later. I have stood in the midst of crowded theme parks and done the YMCA song just to embarrass my children. Last year I decided to do a little Lynyrd Skynyrd karaoke on the cruise ship, only to be mocked by someone who sings even worse than I do.

Isn't it time we all lightened up a little bit and learn to live. Jane Austen wrote in one of her books, "What do we live for but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn." With that in mind I only have two suggestions in today's blog:

1. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don't be shy, don't be ashamed, don't be afraid. If you are living life with the volume turned all the way up, people will stare, they will make comments, they may even try to impune your character - so what. Don't rob yourself of the joy of the moment and don't let others rob you of it either.
2. Cut others some slack. If you haven't read "The Sisters of Angelica" post I added a couple of weeks ago, go back and read it. These women were loud, obnoxious and absolutely hilarious. I almost missed the chance to join in the revelry by judging them. Most people are just trying to squeeze a little joy out of the day. Who are we to rob them of that moment.

So, lighten up. Go out tonight and dance under the stars. Walk up and talk to a stranger in the supermarket (tell them you like their shoes and see what happens). Pick up the phone and swap a childhood memory with an old friend.

God, I've got a Question

I have suffered through some dark days during my past. There were times I wondered if I could keep groceries on the table, and times I worried that God had forgotten me completely. During those times, I often made a tragic mistake in climbing out of my doldrums. I turned to everyone but God. I borrowed from friends, made decisions without counsel and generally had my priorities out of whack.

This week I have been reading about the "power of God in us" (Eph. 3:20). God works in us and through us, so do Christ and the Holy Spirit. We have a comforter, guide, and intercessor when life gets hard, or simply if we need to turn somewhere for counsel. Why is it that God is always the last one on our list of advisors when we need help?

Next time you need help with anything (your kids, your finances, your emotional stability, even your faith) try turning to God first. Here are 5 reasons you should lean on God daily:

1. "He is able . . ." (Eph. 3:20).  Able to do more than you ask, able to do more than you can imagine. Where others can and will fail, God is able.
2. "He will never leave you nor forsake you. . ." (Heb. 13:5). It is kind of nice to have someone to depend on when the rest of the world walks out.
3. "He cares for you . . ." (I Peter 5:7). Peter reminds us that we can turn our cares and worries over to the Lord because he genuinely cares for you.
4. He has endless resources. (Psalms 50:10). If you really want help you need to ask the one who has an endless supply of resources. "The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof. . ." (Psalms 24:1)
5. He promises to provde (Matt. 7:7-12). Ask, Seek, Knock - God is calling us to test him, challenge him, lay our needs before him.

My job consists of asking donors to give. It can be trying at times and like a sales position, the pressure is always on. Imagine the comfort I recieved about a month ago when a donor made a significant gift and then said, "Call me in the fall for my end of year gift, or if you ever need anything just pick up the phone." I trust him when he tells me that.

God is asking us to "just pick up the phone." Ask, seek, knock! Lean on Him, trust Him, turn to Him for all  your cares and needs.

Circling the Wagons

"You can't circle the wagons if you ride alone."

Rarely does a week go by that I don't get a call from a really worthy non-profit organization that is struggling with raising money. After a while it begins to tug at my heart, because I don't have the time, energy or resources to help most of them.

There is one thing I can recommend that would make a world of difference to most non-profits. Learn how to collaborate. So many of the programs I get calls from are small, one or two staff organizations who have a passion for a specific area of ministry or social service. The problem is they aren't alone in their vision, there others doing similar and profitable works, but we have a lot of lone-wolf cowboys who don't want oversight, collaboration or input from anyone else. That's a problem - it leaves you few options when the economy turns south, wrongly suggests that you have all the answers to a particular problem, but mostly it speaks to an air of arrogance and independence.

I have found one way to cut down on the phone calls. Now when I meet with an organization I start by discussing collaborations. I give them a list of agencies they could work with and foundations who like to see partnerships. You wouldn't believe the resistance I recieve from those organizations who refuse to partner with anyone else - they don't want to sacrifice even the smallest amount of autonomy.

Sadly, I have even seen this in departments within an organization. Rather than look at the greater good, the value of partnerships, the benefits of shared resources, the reduction of management and operational costs these small agencies continue to struggle, forge ahead alone and resist the positive change that can come from working together. The saddest thing of all is that these agencies lose sight of the mission - to serve others. It is truly heartbreaking to see a valued organization that begins to put their own interests ahead of those they serve.

Execute

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Actions always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action."
                                                                                            Frank Tibolt

• I don't have the time right now.
• I don't have the financial resources.
• I am not sure how to market my idea.
• Some day I am going to . . .

I spent a good portion of this past weekend cleaning out my koi pond, buying some fish and getting it prepared for the landscaping. I added three beautiful new koi and a week later I can hardlly see them due to the algae that is growing inside the pond. The combination of warm weather and still water provided a perfect environment for the algae to grow.

What is the problem? There is not a sufficient amount of activity (movement of water) to sustain life in the pond (yes the fish have survived). Our dreams and ambitions can fall prey to the same malady - inactivity. Our lives become comfortable, dormant and sedentary then undesireable characteristics start to grow. We begin to grow complacent, doubts creep into our mind and it just becomes easier to do nothing.

The answer is pretty simple - execute your dreams, start something good today. Maybe its the exercise program you were considering, or taking the first steps in initiating a new project, or maybe that book you want to write. The longer you sit there, the greater the risk of weeds taking over your garden or worse, complacency taking over you life.

Free at Last

I can't imagine what life was like for the former slaves following the Civil War. They had been set free from bondage, oppression and in many cases the harshest of conditions, but now what would they do? Where would they go? Where would they find work? How would they provide for their families and deal with the prejudice, anger and hatred of so many?

On the surface freedom sounds like a great thing, but it comes with a really high price. We watch our children struggle as we cut the apron strings and let them begin experiencing life on their own. They are thrust into a world of responsibility (for their jobs, their rent, their car payment,etc). Suddenly, the oppression of parents may look good compared to this new-found freedom.

Now draw that parallel to being free in Christ. Sounds great, the shackles of sin have been removed and I am free to live as I want.  Oops, not to live as I want, but as I should and as I must. Suddenly there are expectations for my life, I have to set an example, some of those who loved me most may even have unreal expectations for how I live. There are classes to teach, worship services to attend, the hungry to feed. WOW, maybe freedom isn't such a good thing after all. Those old chains of sin can start looking pretty appealing.

There is a gap that exists for many between the freedom they experience in Christ and their departure from the world. Just like our children who will crash land the first time they spread their wings to fly, so will our newly born brothers and sisters in Christ.

True freedom only comes when we understand the corresponding responsibility that goes with it.

Check your sources

I was reviewing some research this morning where "professionals" were making some pretty strong statements about marriage, family, and values in America. There is no question that there are some serious shifts taking place in how people view sex and marriage in our culture, but the thing that troubled me about the articles were the bold affirmations that were being made based on some recent studies.

The results of the surveys could be very revealing about our culture, the affirmations could be absolutely true, but I have lived long enough to know that it is easy to manipulate surveys and data to suit your political or ideological slant. Just look at the recent misrepresentations and falsification of data concerning the global warming issues.

Sitting around the dinner table I often hear my children make some bold proclamation from something they read or more often heard on television or at school. They cringe when I ask them for the source of that information. "Well, it was in the papers, or on the news." Then the next questions, "do you believe everything you read."

God gave us a brain and an intellect and expects us to use them. At times I think we should have been created with a shovel at the end of our arm to deal with all the stuff that piles up around us. I really have a hard time believing that anyone can believe some of the stuff presented as facts.

The bottom line is that we need to spend a little more time investigating something before we buy it wholesale from a biased media (biased from the right and the left). Here is a simple test you can take to help sort through the massive dissemenation of useless information in our society.

1. Does it pass the common sense test? If it sounds ridiculous and outrageous dig a little deeper before accepting it as fact.
2. Consider the source. If the information is presented as common knowledge, or there are no solid facts behind the story, ask for evidence or the research behind the findings.
3. If the information is based on research look at the positions of the research team prior to the study. Did they already have an end in mind before they began? Could this skew the results of their study?
4. Finally, who participated in the study. Was it a balanced sample that represented a fair cross section of our society. Kinsey's research on sexuality used a highly dysfunctional element of our society to determine his results about social norms and sexuality. The results did not represent the general population.

Yes, I am a skeptic. We all look at the world through a biased (even if only slightly biased) pespective. Of course, that is just my opinion - want some facts to back that up?

Slap your co-worker

OK, I know I am months ahead of schedule, but did you know that October 23rd is official "Slap your irritating co-worker day." Don't ask me why I took time to look up such irreverent trivia, or why I choose to do this now - but doesn't it give you a nice, warm fuzzy feeling way down deep inside.

Most of us have to work around other people. Unless you are the proverbial computer geek working from a laptop while sitting in your bed (and watching sci-fi movies), we still have to get up, go to work and interact with other people (co-workers and clients). Throwing all political correctness to the wind, there are times I just want to slap somebody.

So here is my top ten list of behaviors that make me just want to stop and slap somebody:

10. Cleaning up someone elses mess (figuratively or literally). Whether they left a client situation in shambles, or didn't wipe out the microwave after heating their Raviolios this is just irritating.
9. Putting pickle juice in the ice trays, or using sharpies to paint the cat (this one is for you Trev).
8. Being two-faced. Praising you to your face and cutting your legs out from under you behind your back.
7. Taking credit for the work of other people.
6. Eating someone elses food out of the fridge.
5. Sticking your nose in other people's work or business.
4. Not understanding references to "THE OFFICE."
3. Always whinning about being "politically correct, or incorrect."
2. Not taking that job you were offered in California.
1. Not taking responsibility for your own actions.

So what is on your list of "slappable" behaviors.