Starting Over - Day 2

Yesterday, one of the readers of my blog made a great point concerning how others often interfere with our efforts to to move forward in our lives. We all mess up, we all make mistakes, and sometimes those actions impact others. Despite our best efforts to repent, ask forgiveness or seek reconciliation, some people refuse to allow us to a second chance.

It is truly tragic when others carry these large invisitble sacks around filled with all the sins, failings and mistakes that others have made. Whenever we trip or stumble, they reach deep down in their sack and provide us a running history of everything we have ever done wrong. This mean-spirited approach to life is tragic for two reasons: 1) I have a hard enough time with the guilt, shame and challenges of getting past the mistakes in my own life; 2) I can't imagine adding to that burden by keeping a ledger of everyone else's failings. What a truly miserable existence.

So, how do we deal with mean-spirited folks who would hinder our spiritual growth, put obstacles in our way as we try to navigate forward through life? It is easy to say ignore them, don't pay attention to their rants, but some folks seem to get great joy out of making our lives difficult. It feels as though all their anger and vitriol is being directed only at us. For what is worth, here are a few suggestions:

1. Pray for them. Yes, I know it is hard, but praying has a calming emotional affect on our spirits and it also changes things. God can and will intercede when nothing else seems to be working.
2. Try to understand why. What is it in the person's life, or past that makes them so hateful? Sometimes knowing the facts provides us a greater capacity to excercise grace and forgiveness towards that person.
3. Remember people only have as much control as we allow them to have. When you get hurt, angry, and bitter because of another's actions - you are turning control of your emotions over to those who care the least for you. Personally, I don't want my "enemies" to have that kind of power over my attempts to live victoriously.

So, here we are at the crossroads of another day. Someone is just waiting to rain on your parade, pour salt in an old wound, or tell you that your Pollyanna approach to life is naive and foolish. Its up to you how much control you will cede to that person.

Carpe Diem!

Easy Button

Wouldn't it be great if life came with an EASY button. Yes, I sometimes shop at Staples, but that doesn't seem to help when you get to the really sticky situations in life. Unfortunatley, the easy path is usually the one that leads us away from our hopes and dreams. Rather than traveling through uncharted territories, or exploring new opportunities, taking the easy path usually takes down the same course that millions of others have travelled.

Most of us have probably heard the quote, "Pioneers take all the arrows." There certainly is danger in being the first to journey into brave new worlds, but I heard a great spin on that old addage that inspired me.  "Pioneers take all the arrows, but they also have the biggest ranches." I have taken a lot of arrows in my life, but I have also been rewarded with blessings few get to experience.  Watching the sun rise over the Mt. Cook in the Southern Alps, hearing the morning drums, followed by the soft echo of Christian hymns in the jungles of Africa, or building homes for those who lost everything after Hurricanes devastated Honduras. These are riches that far surpass any material gain I have ever enjoyed.

There have been many times in my life when I prayed that God would make my path EASY. Fortunately for me He had other plans. The trials, the tragedies and the heartaches of life have all been training grounds to minister to others. There have been times when I sought riches, wealth, fame and prestige, but God reminded me that life is most rewarding when I serve, when I humble myself, when I fulfill his plan for my life. So go ahead, hit the easy button, but if you do - you are missing out on the blessings that come through struggle and hardship.

It's Not my Problem

It's not my problem!  Just deal with it! I'm through, finished, done with trying to help you. I know we have all felt that way at some point in time or another. It is hard to know exactly when to throw your hands in the air and say, "I have had enough."

There are a lot of factors that come into play when we make the decision to divorce ourselves from a situation. For example: do you ever really give up on a child? I watched my father for decades as he came to the aid and rescue of his children. He was tired, frustrated and really ticked off at times, but he never gave up.

What about a marriage? Throwing in the towel has become easy, well maybe simple is a better word. Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows its not easy. What act, behavior or obstacle becomes so overwhelming that we are unwilling to try one more time. With a couple of well-placed signatures people sign away decades of work, commitment, shared experiences, not to mention all the collateral damage that is done.

Then there are friends, business associates and organizations that simply are not responsive to feedback, input or help. There are challenges in every relationship that require us to really stop and think about whether we are doing any good. Sometimes we enable people and organizations by allowing them to continue to behave badly. We reinforce bad behavior when it is rewarded or ignored. On the other hand, we really hate to quit on someone (or something) we love.

So, I will ask the question again. When does a realationship become such a headache that we finally say, "It's not my problem. It's on  you! I'm finished."

Adversity

Adversity, hardship, and struggle are the training grounds for how we compete in life. I remember as a child wanting to quit the baseball team because I wasn't as good as some of the other players. Every time I dropped a fly ball, or booted a grounder I felt inadequate. I didn't handle adversity very well.

It wasn't till I had lived a while that I learned that adversity is the mental and moral equivilant of weight training, It gives you strength to deal with everything life can throw at you. This was the idea the philosopher Nietzsche was trying to get across when he said, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

How we handle adversity says a lot about who we are and the level of success we will achieve in life. I have had my moments I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and bask in my own self-pity. I have felt beaten-down and defeated by life when a single ray of sunshine reminded me that their is so much to live for and fight for.

Which person are you? Are you the person who feels defeated when adversity comes, or do you welcome the challenge, engage the enemy and fight the good fight? You attitude and approach will determine your altitude in life.

Dirty Cups

Last week I was cleaning out the garage and found an old coffee cup I had left out there months earlier (or maybe longer). The site of brown, green and grey mold growing over the top of the abandoned coffee was pretty disgusting. It reminded me of Jesus rebuke of the Pharisees, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence" (Matthew 23:24-26).

I find myself increasingly disturbed by the trends I see in 21st century churches. I fear that we do a wonderful job in cleaning the outside of the cup, we have a  nice, sanitized environment to worship, but we are missing the opportunities to minister to the people who most need to learn about Christ. Let me share a few observations I hope are helpful:

1. I can't speak for everyone who walks into a church on Sunday morning, but there are a lot of Sunday's I feel like that dirty cup. I clean up pretty good on the outside. I cover up a week of struggle and failures with a clean pair of khaki's and blue blazer. I smile cheerfully and when people ask, "how are you," I respond with the obligatory, "I'm fine, or I'm doing great, how about you?" Then I go on to another week and no one is the wiser.
2. I struggle with a gap between my heart and hands. I want the church to minister to the prostitutes, alcoholics and broken menbers of our society, but struggle with getting my own hands dirty. I am afraid of the time, challenges and headaches ministering to dysfunctional community will bring.
3. I wonder how many broken, hurting and struggling members there are who look just like me every Sunday morning. They pull out their nicest dress, or best silk tie. They brush their hair and paste on their Sunday-go-to-meeting smile, but inside are rotting away. Inside is a dark, dirty, disgusting bowl that we hope no one ever sees.

I love reading the stories of the New Testament church. Not because they are filled with stories of hope, conversion and eternal glory, but because they reveal real people with real problems. Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners, the early church converted pagans, adulterers, homosexuals, and those challenges and struggles carried over into the work of the local church. I am inspired by the belief that we can open our doors to the basest of human behavior and walk with convicts and characters, pagans and prostitutes, leading them along the path to a greater understanding of Christ.

I almost cringe to put in this short addendum (it shouldn't be necessary), but if I don't many will choose to misunderstand. In seeking out the most challenging elements of our society to minister to, we do not advocate embracing sinful behavior, or enabling unrighteous conduct, we do need to learn how to walk with sinners to lead them to Christ. We must demonstrate the love that Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, and model the grace and mercy that inspires people change.

If you will excuse me, I need to go run my cup back through the dishwasher.

Redefining your dreams

When I was a child I used to dream about being a professional baseball player. In the summers I would leave the house after breakfast and play ball until it was too dark to see. I pictured myself hitting the home run in the bottom of the ninth inning, or turning an unassisted double-play to end the game.

By high school I knew I wasn't destined for fame as a professional athelete and soon other dreams and ambitions begin to fill my mind. A successful entrepreneur, a famous attorney, a gifted writer. My mind explored lots of possibilities and I have seen my share of successes and failures along the way. Through it all I learned a couple of important lessons:

1. I can't expect anyone else to be as excited about my dreams as I am. In many cases, there are those who would squash my dreams, or serve as obstacles along the way.
2. I may have to redefine my dreams along the way. Sometimes life just says NO!

A couple of years ago I had my life planned out pretty clearly. My work, family and future all looked pretty bright, but I soon realized that everyone wasn't reading from the same script. I could have become bitter, disappointed, or just given up, but what I choose to do is redefine my dreams.

The world may laugh as I battle windmills, or encourage me to stay down when life delivers another blow, but that just isn't my nature. If you want me to stay down, you better knock me out. If you expect me to quit, or surrender to the naysayers or pessimists of this world you don't know me too well.

Its never too late to live your dreams.