Friendships

As I contemplate 51 years on this planet the first thing that came to my mind are the friendships that have enriched my life. For all the time I spent working to accumulate STUFF - not a single posession I have ever owned came to my mind. Cars, motorcycles, houses and land haven't left even the smallest dent on my memory, but the people I have known, loved and shared life with are my most treasured posessions.

When I got up this morning I opened my Facebook account to a host of "Happy Birthday" notices from friends past and present. Each little icon with a picture of a friendship I made brought back fond memories of a rich and full life. All too often we take those things for granted.

Darlene, the little girl who lived next door as a child. My first childhood sweetheart and the girl who saved my life when I was four. Joe, my friend through most of my grade-school years. We lost touch for over a decade before reconnecting a few years back. Jim, my college room mate, friend and hiking buddy. The people in towns where I preached, the touch-points with people on mission trips, the romances and heartaches life all included people and not things.

I have bought and sold STUFF my whole life. Things I thought I had to have ended up in garage sales or the trash can. Cars that I thought defined me instead brought debt, frustration, and disappointment. The latest electronics that were essential to business success are now outdated and sitting in a drawer somewhere, but my friends endure and enrich my life. Like a fine wine their value increases each and every year. No investment in my life has brought greater returns than those people I call my friends.

So as I contemplate being 51 - today is not about me, but about each of you who have made my life better. Thank you and God bless you!

Give & Take

Life is full of give and take, which is a nice way of saying we have to compromise sometimes. In dealing with human relationships there are so many subtle nuances that we often don't realize what is taking place in our own pysche. Sometimes when we think we are giving, the subconscious mind has actually conditioned us to be takers. Let me give you a simple example.

I love a good cup of coffee. I wake up on Saturday morning just dreaming about a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I gently wake my wife and say, "are you awake? You had such a long week I thought I would take you to starbucks for a good cup of coffee."  Here is the question for consideration: In that moment, am I a giver, or a taker?

That scenario plays out in a much more damaging way in relationshps everyday. The husband who buys his wife the NFL season pass on cable rather than the diamond earrings she has been hinting for. The wife who surprises her husband with a weekend at a bed and breakfast for his birthday, but he was hoping for a new set of golf clubs.

Sometimes this kind of behavior is intentional and manipulative - other times it stems from a deeply held desire that is unfulfilled in our own lives. We may  not even know we are playing this game of self-deception, but it can be damaging non-the-less.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know that one key is learning to listen to the needs of those who really matter in your life. When my son was nine years old I bought him a guitar for Christmas. I kept the picture with the disappointment on his face as a reminder. That Christmas my desire for him to learn guitar superceded his needs - I was wrong.

Parents, husbands, wives, and friends do this everyday to one another. Rather than stop and listen to the needs of those most important to us - we project our own needs into their lives and that's where the trouble begins.

An important footnote: My family did awesome for my birthday this year. I had no idea what I wanted, but they gave me two wonderful gifts: 1) All my family was home to celebrate my 51st; 2) I love the new blueray player and the movies they bought me.

UNTETHERED

I just wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for following the Untethered blog. It simply amazes me how many people are searching for that inner freedom that only comes when we remove the restraints of life and really live.

If you noticed the image above, that is our new logo design for all the untethered blogs, gear, and excursions that will follow. Special thanks to Sorrel Dugan for doing the design work. She is an exceptional artist, seamstress and designer. You really need to check her blog out at:

http://www.sorreldugan.blogspot.com/

In the coming months we will have two exciting things coming your way:

1. The first will be our initial T-shirt design. We are working with a lot of ideas and images, so I may post somethings soon, and take a vote.
2. The second is an Untethered Excursion. Having decided if this is a back to nature hiking / camping trip, a motorcycle rally, or an Untethered cruise.

Stay Tuned!
Stay Positive!
Stay Motivated!

Adversity

Adversity, hardship, and struggle are the training grounds for how we compete in life. I remember as a child wanting to quit the baseball team because I wasn't as good as some of the other players. Every time I dropped a fly ball, or booted a grounder I felt inadequate. I didn't handle adversity very well.

It wasn't till I had lived a while that I learned that adversity is the mental and moral equivilant of weight training, It gives you strength to deal with everything life can throw at you. This was the idea the philosopher Nietzsche was trying to get across when he said, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

How we handle adversity says a lot about who we are and the level of success we will achieve in life. I have had my moments I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and bask in my own self-pity. I have felt beaten-down and defeated by life when a single ray of sunshine reminded me that their is so much to live for and fight for.

Which person are you? Are you the person who feels defeated when adversity comes, or do you welcome the challenge, engage the enemy and fight the good fight? You attitude and approach will determine your altitude in life.

Family

He was a hard man who lived a hard life. As a child I didn't always understand his approach to discipline, the clear contradictions in character or his solemn, stern demeanor - but he loved us. He worked hard everyday for his family, he saved, planned and prepared to provide for his wife when he was gone, he gave of himself from the places that hadn't been wounded in his own child hood. He was my father and I love him.

She looked at life as a gift from God and a debt to be paid back to Him. Her gentleness, love, kindness and compassion were known by all. She sacrificed her heart and posessions to provide for her children. She sheltered them from pain and often took the brunt of others anger to insulate her children. We often laughed and her puritan ideals, but she always acted in the interest of others. She was my mother and I will always carry her in my heart.

They had tongues like adders and were unrelentless in their persecution of one another. They fought like cats and dogs, argued like master debaters, and competed like it was superbowl Sunday. But when outsiders threatened, or trouble came they banded together like soldiers in a fox hole. There is a depth of love that is missed by those on the outside. It has hard to see through the sarcasm and competition, but these are men that would die for one another, but more than that, they have lived for one another. These are my brothers.

They frustrated me, angered me and times they broke my heart. Because of them I have known my greatest sorrows, but I have also experienced my greatest joys. God has filled their hearts with love for their fellow man, a desire to walk in righteousness, and a mind to accomplish any goal they set for themselves. They are a part of me. As much as I would feel a spike piercing my hand, I feel every pain they feel, and share every heartache. They are my children and the greatest gift God has ever given me.

There is nothing like family. Through them we love, hate, hurt, laugh and learn. They are our refuge when we are weak, our shelter when we are tired and our fortress when enemies would attack. Thank you God for family.

Stops along the road

In August of 2008 I was made an honorary chief in the village of Ukpom-Abak, in the Akwai-bom State of Nigeria. It was an interesting experience with all the pomp and circumstance that accompanied such a ceremony. That region of the country is made up predominantly of the Ebo tribe (and tribal affiliation is very important).

Later that week I was scheduled to speak and choose a set of cloths given to me by some of my Yorba friends. I tried to make a joke about being Yorba, with my blond hair and blue eyes, but it didn't translate well.

Regardless of where I travel, or what honors I recieved those moments contribute to who I am as a person, but they don't define me. For a very brief period of time I was alloted the honor of being an Ebo chief. In Abeokuta I was shown great courtesy by the Yorba community. No matter how hard I try, or how accepted I may be, I will never be a native Nigerian of any shape or form.

How often do we forget that lesson? Our interactions on the road of life are just that - stops in a very long and wonderful journey. Some of those stops will feel like we are in the armpit of the world, others will lift our spirits into realms we rarely visit. The risk and danger is when those moments, those small dots on a map, or interactions with others begin to define us in significant ways. My head gets full of the praise and adulation of the masses after a moving speech or presentation, or I begin to question my self-worth when someone criticizes me for something they don't like.

Embrace the journey through life. Don't think to highly of yourself when things are good, and don't get too discouarged when things are bad. God paints light and darkness into the pallets of our lives. It adds contrast, color and definition to the people we are becoming.

When did you say . . .

"So when did you say you were going to get around to that?"  Someday I am going to live in a house on a beach in Belize. Someday I want to travel and see all the countries of the world. Someday I . . .

We do a lot of talking when we should be doing a lot of living. Don't misunderstand, you can't live an untethered life without a plan. You have to put some money away. You have to know  how you are going to sustain the lifestyle you want. You have to be assertive in achieving your goals.

I turned 50 this year I realized I am not where I want to be in a lot of areas. There are things I should have accomplished by now, books that should be written, speeches I wish I would have made, people that I should be close to. This is not a "woe is me" laundry list of unfinished dreams, but a reminder to get after it.

When did you say you are going to get around to that - TODAY! Today I will take significant steps towards fulfilling some of those dreams. I will move closer to my goals. I will accomplish something tangible that reminds me I am moving in the right direction.

How about you?

Investing in me.

Yesterday I waded through the investment opportunities for my 401K retirement plan.  I haven't always been the best at putting away for a rainy day, but being 50 allows me to contribute make-up investments each year.

As I thought about investing, how much I could afford to live without to fund my retirement and the implications of an expanding government; it all brought me back to a basic concept - we are all investing in ourselves. Each and every day we make contributions to the kind of men and women we are going to be in the future.

As I sat at breakfast I went through my morning ritual of making a list for the day (if I don't, I get sidetracked). This morning, as I looked it over I had to ask myself if this was just another list, or would I pursue it like a predator after it's prey.

So just for today, I am going to invest in me. I am going to read something uplifting, spend a little time in meditation and prayer, accomplish some things on my list so when night falls I plan to enter into the sweet sleep of a person who took advantage of the day God has given him.

Restless Hearts

Why are some people given to wanderlust and others find refuge in safe harbors along the coasts of life? What is it in our upbringing, our DNA, our psyche that drives the wanderer?

I used to think that it was a search for adventure. Traveling to far off countries, experiencing new cultures, and cataloging new experiences, but I realized there is more to it than travel. My pilgrim roots go far deeper than my geographical wanderings. I find I am easily seduced to by a new idea, a bold revelation, a new opportunity. Complacency, ritual and rote behavior eat at me like a cancer. Put me in an office for 8 hours a day, or worse yet - stick me on an assembly line attaching some gadget to a new Toyota and I would soon be locked away in some Charter Hospital.

My heart is always in motion, restless, longing for adventure, seeking new worlds and opportunities. There are days I feel like a wild stallion who has had a bit forced into his mouth. I strain against the world's attempt to tame and domesticate me. I want to run free - to feel the wind blow through my hair (what is left of it), to climb Everest and then sail around the world.

You can't contain a restless heart. The best you can do is to steer it responsibly, point it in the direction that contributes to others and isn't spent on selfish ambition. So, as I sit in a cold, drab cubicle on a Friday morning I am forced to comtemplate - what is my next great adventure?

Friendships Past

I was recently reminded why God gives us friends and encourages us to build relationships. There are so many positive elements in life that come from even the most casual inter-actions.

I recently had an opportunity to catch up with friends I haven't seen in 30 years - it was as if time stood still. We all looked fabulous (thanks to fading vision), and we all had some great stories to tell.

So on the lighter side of today's blogopshere, here are some lessons from friendships past.

1. The Stories! Even those that have been embelished with time are fun to recount. So many smiles, so many crazy times, so much fun to remember. All someone has to say is, "Do you remember when . . ." and the lies and fabrications start to fly (at least as they pertain to things I allegedly participated in).

2. You can't run away from your past. There are so many things that I thought had faded away with the passage of time - until I cross paths with my past. Embarrasing moments, the first kiss (oh, those are the same?), pranks and practical jokes; just more of those "do you remember when moments."

3. You have somewhere to run to. One thing we all have in common is a history. Sometimes it is a beautiful manifestation of your great accomplishments, other times its the bitter tragedy of defeat. As I have walked with and watched the lives of my old friends, it is amazing how quickly we all come to the aid of one another. A spare bedroom, a word of encouragement, and emotional support are always available. In these cases the words, "if you ever need anything" really do matter.

4. There are little pieces of ourselves scattered across the globe. Our connection sand inter-actions with others changes their lives (hopefully for the better). Wherever we go, whoever we meet, the lives we touch are changed forever.

5. Friendships bring moments of deeper contemplation. There are all those "what if" moments. What if I would have pursued this relationship, or what if I had never met that person? It gives us a chance to see how our lives have changed and rumenate about what might have been.

So on this Friday, April 9, 2010 I offer a toast to all my old friends (and those I have yet to make). May your life be filled with friendships that encourage, uplift and restore your soul. May you walk in the light of blessed relationships and live in the sunshine of friendships past and present.

Objectivity

Objectivity: "the expression of or dealing with facts in a situation without the distoration of personal feelings."

I look at that definition and ask myself, "Is that really possible?" Can I truly divorce my feelings, experiences and personal bias from any situation. Without sounding like some raving, liberal lunatic - isn't there a sense of subjectivity to every situation?

We are never free of our own experiences, study or influences. In raising children, my philosophy is directly related to a few important factors: 1) How I was raised as a child; 2) The things I have read and studied through the years; 3) The experiences I have in dealing with situations involving my children. My approach to raising children is highly subjective and yet I have strong feelings that I am right!!!

I guess that I will have to take issue with Merriam Webster. His definition says that objectivity is dealing with facts without the distortion of personal feelings. I am of the opinion that personal feelings (and experiences) are not a distortion, but a gift from God. My life has been molded and shaped through those feelings and experiences. I have learned hard truths through the the school of hard knocks. While there are situations that I cannot provide imperical evidence to support - I know, through experience and feelings that my decisions are sound.

So, next time someone tells you their objective opinion (a contradiction in and of itself), ask them what shaped the advice they are giving? Is it based on absolute, unequivocal fact; or is it the culmination of a lifetime of experiences and learning?

Dirty Cups

Last week I was cleaning out the garage and found an old coffee cup I had left out there months earlier (or maybe longer). The site of brown, green and grey mold growing over the top of the abandoned coffee was pretty disgusting. It reminded me of Jesus rebuke of the Pharisees, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence" (Matthew 23:24-26).

I find myself increasingly disturbed by the trends I see in 21st century churches. I fear that we do a wonderful job in cleaning the outside of the cup, we have a  nice, sanitized environment to worship, but we are missing the opportunities to minister to the people who most need to learn about Christ. Let me share a few observations I hope are helpful:

1. I can't speak for everyone who walks into a church on Sunday morning, but there are a lot of Sunday's I feel like that dirty cup. I clean up pretty good on the outside. I cover up a week of struggle and failures with a clean pair of khaki's and blue blazer. I smile cheerfully and when people ask, "how are you," I respond with the obligatory, "I'm fine, or I'm doing great, how about you?" Then I go on to another week and no one is the wiser.
2. I struggle with a gap between my heart and hands. I want the church to minister to the prostitutes, alcoholics and broken menbers of our society, but struggle with getting my own hands dirty. I am afraid of the time, challenges and headaches ministering to dysfunctional community will bring.
3. I wonder how many broken, hurting and struggling members there are who look just like me every Sunday morning. They pull out their nicest dress, or best silk tie. They brush their hair and paste on their Sunday-go-to-meeting smile, but inside are rotting away. Inside is a dark, dirty, disgusting bowl that we hope no one ever sees.

I love reading the stories of the New Testament church. Not because they are filled with stories of hope, conversion and eternal glory, but because they reveal real people with real problems. Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners, the early church converted pagans, adulterers, homosexuals, and those challenges and struggles carried over into the work of the local church. I am inspired by the belief that we can open our doors to the basest of human behavior and walk with convicts and characters, pagans and prostitutes, leading them along the path to a greater understanding of Christ.

I almost cringe to put in this short addendum (it shouldn't be necessary), but if I don't many will choose to misunderstand. In seeking out the most challenging elements of our society to minister to, we do not advocate embracing sinful behavior, or enabling unrighteous conduct, we do need to learn how to walk with sinners to lead them to Christ. We must demonstrate the love that Jesus showed the woman caught in adultery, and model the grace and mercy that inspires people change.

If you will excuse me, I need to go run my cup back through the dishwasher.

Choices?

So do you believe that life is the result of the choices we make, or the values, actions and behavior of others? Do you tell yourself that life would be different if others changed their behavior, or do you believe that life changes when we change ourselves?

It's naive' to think that we live life in a vacuum - that the actions and behaviors of others have no affect on the outcomes in our lives. We also have to be careful not to allow external circumstances to define who we are on the inside. Alexander Solzhenitsn continued his public dissent though exiled to the Russian Gulag. Nelson Mandella, Victor Frankl, even Peter, James and John refused to have their voices silenced by the persecution and opposition of others.

The actions and behaviors of others may rob you of certain liberties, but the choices you make define who you are on the inside. That is something that no can take away from you - it is only lost when you surrender your values and blame your circumstances for what you have become.