Embracing Freedom

At times our fight for freedom and liberty are collective efforts. We band together against an oppressive government, we lobby for the restoration of certain "inalienable rights," or we join a rally, political party or PAC.

The real embrace of freedom however is a personal choice in how we live. It is the difference in wanting to do a thing and having to do it. Most mornings I choose to get up and go to work because I love what I do - it makes a difference and helps people. For a good portion of my life I struggled to meet others expectations. I let other people put me in their little box and I tried to live accordingly.

One of the most liberating revelations I have had in my life is learning to say - NO! No, I don't have time right now. No, that isn't in my area of expertise. No, I just don't feel like it. That sounds a little indulgent, but I am afraid that all too often in life we err on the other side through surrender. I am worried about what people think if I don't serve. I am afraid I won't be held in the same esteem if I say no. I don't want to be viewed as selfish, or seeking my own needs.

Serving out of desire, out of passion for what you do not only gives you an individual sense of liberty and freedom, it also allows your greatest gifts to rise to the top. Your freedom is not bestowed on you by government,  your employer or even your family. Freedom comes when you choose to have an untethered mind, to know and understand who you are and live to your potential - not the potential or ideas others have defined for you.

Trent Wheeler

Living Vicariously

When I walked into my office this morning, the buzz among all the women was about the Bachelor, tomorrow it will what happened on American Idol and next week it will be whatever scandal was uncovered by the National Enquirer.

Why is the United States so consumed with "reality" television. I fear it is because most of us have surrendered. We quit pursuing our dreams and have become content in living vicariously through a 42 inch flat panel screen.

I love the Olympics - especially the back-stories of hope and inspiration. I was transfixed as the United States Hockey Team held off Canada for an amazing win on Sunday evening. Its not the Bachelor, or American Idol, but I was still living vicariously through my national pride, through my passion for sports - all the while sitting on the sofa accomplishing nothing of real value.

Our problem in America isn't selecting a television show we love and following it, or the occasionaly guilty pleasure of looking through the shades at how others live (or pretend to live). The problem is that it has become a national epidemic. I get home from work and my personal operation system defaults to ESPN.

I have set some ambitioius goals for 2010, but they will never be accomplished if I spend 15 - 20 hours a week in front of a television set. I want to live the life for myself, not through some emotional connection to a bachelor, or athelete or adventures show contestant.

So how about joining me in devoting at least one hour a day to personal development, to pursuing your goals, to living your dreams. Let others live vicariously through your successes. As a friend of mine says at the bottom of all his emails - "Be the weapon and not the meal."

Redefining your dreams

When I was a child I used to dream about being a professional baseball player. In the summers I would leave the house after breakfast and play ball until it was too dark to see. I pictured myself hitting the home run in the bottom of the ninth inning, or turning an unassisted double-play to end the game.

By high school I knew I wasn't destined for fame as a professional athelete and soon other dreams and ambitions begin to fill my mind. A successful entrepreneur, a famous attorney, a gifted writer. My mind explored lots of possibilities and I have seen my share of successes and failures along the way. Through it all I learned a couple of important lessons:

1. I can't expect anyone else to be as excited about my dreams as I am. In many cases, there are those who would squash my dreams, or serve as obstacles along the way.
2. I may have to redefine my dreams along the way. Sometimes life just says NO!

A couple of years ago I had my life planned out pretty clearly. My work, family and future all looked pretty bright, but I soon realized that everyone wasn't reading from the same script. I could have become bitter, disappointed, or just given up, but what I choose to do is redefine my dreams.

The world may laugh as I battle windmills, or encourage me to stay down when life delivers another blow, but that just isn't my nature. If you want me to stay down, you better knock me out. If you expect me to quit, or surrender to the naysayers or pessimists of this world you don't know me too well.

Its never too late to live your dreams.

It's the shoes!

What we say and what other people hear are often two vastly different things. In counseling, therapists use a technique called "active listening." This is where you listen to what the other person is saying and then repeat it back to them in your own words. Then that individual lets you know if you actual heard what they were saying.

We all have selective hearing. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear. Sometimes we simply aren't paying attention like we should. OH! Then there is the occasion that we honestly misunderstood what was stated. Let me give you an example of how our auditory equipment works:

"Sally, you look great today. I love the your new hair style and your dress looks fabulous. You are going to knock em dead at the party tonight. I am a little unsure about the shoes though."

Out of that glowing praise and recognition - what did Sally hear? My shoes don't match, they don't work with this dress, or worse - SHE HATES MY SHOES!!! In most cases that was not the intent of the individual, but that is what was heard. This goes on all the time in relationships and it often causes conflict. That is why you will hear people say, "All I do for you and you don't appreciate me," or something similar.

We forget all the goodness, kindness and generosity that is provided by others and end up focusing on the shoes. We get caught up in the moment, in the cross words or the inattention and forget all the good things we should be thankful for. When I went to motorcycle school they taught us how a tiny little blind spot the size of a pencil head could blot out our vision of an oncoming truck (blind spots are deadly). The closer we hold that small, insignificant item to us, the more it impairs our vision. The same is true in relationships. The closer we hold our prejudices and problems, the more it blots out all that is good.

I don't know what the answer is! I am as guilty as the next person of getting upset about some little thing and letting it blot out what really matters. I think the best thing for me is to donate all my shoes to Haiti, then I won't have any distractions.  :-)

Trent Wheeler

Are you ready to quit?

Are there mornings you don't want to climb out of bed? Are you tired, frustrated and discouraged that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to? What do you do when creditors are knocking at the door, your in-laws decide to stay another week, or the IRS is breathing down your neck? You PERSEVERE!

"WOW, that is kind of Pollyanna don't you think?" I am sure that is the thought going through many of heads at this momemt. You feel stuck in your life, you can't see any way out of your current situation and just want to throw up your hands and say - enough.

I don't have a whole lot of imperical evidence to you. I have a friend who owed the IRS $150,000 and is now a best selling author. I reached a point a few years ago I didn't want to wake up and face another day, but I learned there is so much to live for. Many of those who have experienced incredible victories also suffered devastating defeats. So my sage words of wisdom for today are this:

Persevere, Hang on, Never Surrender,  - your day is coming.

Accepting Responsibility

"I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom."  Bob Dylan

I used to think that it was prudent to exercise restraint in most situations, but that philosophy of life is sure to get you stepped on. There are times you need to confront the idiots, ideologues and irresponsible people who are perfectly content to dump their garbage in your front yard.

I really don't have a problem with confrontation anymore. What does irritate me are people who think that you shouldn't have to take responsibility for the stands you take.  If you are going to get in someone's face, confront an issue at the office, or in your church, or just chew out someone who get's on your nerves, then understand there is a price to pay.

So next time you think, "I sure would love to give him/her a piece of my mind." Go for it!, but don't expect to recieve candy on Valentine's Day, or use them as a reference on your resume. Stand up for what you believe is right - then be willing to take the fallout that comes from being a person of principle.

Trent Wheeler

Managing Defeat

"Before success in any man's life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and perhaps failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do." Napolean Hill

A few years back I had the privilege of working with a friend who ran a men's shelter. My perception of homeless shelters was a place reserved for drug addicts and the most challenged social classes of our society. I was surprised to learn that most of the men came from typical middle-class backgrounds, but somewhere along the way had suffered some devastating defeat in their life. They went through a divorce, had a child die, or were downsized from a longstanding position in the corporate world. Rather than address the problem, it was easier to escape into a world of self-pity and doubt.

I realized then that a very thin line existed between my own failures and defeats and those fighting daily to reclaim the most basic elements of life. "But for the grace of God, goes me." I have been through divorce, depression and discouragement. I have come very close to quitting on things that really mattered. I have spent mornings unprepared and unwilling to wade through another day of disappointment, struggle and hardship, but here I am - one day closer to eternity, one day closer to victory.

I don't have all the answers to managing defeat and failure. I wish I knew how to best overcome the struggles of discouragment and depression. The one thing I am confident about is this. If you want to succeed, you can never surrender your dreams. What sets you apart, lifts you above the masses, the single character issue that places you in the small minority of winners is an unwillingness to quit - for as Napolean Hill correctly stated, "That is exactly what the majority of men do!"

Trent Wheeler