Tug of War

So what does happen when an irresistable force meets an unmoveable object? For the past two years I have worked with a marriage ministry and that seems to be a common theme among many couples. They are caught in a viscious tug of war match to see who can secure the most emotional territory.

There is no question that in many relationships one person is working harder, doing more and trying harder than the other person. They have invested time, their emotional energy and in many cases sacrificed their personal dreams and visions for the sake of the relationship.

So what happens when you are emotionally spent? What do you do when  you are running out of rope, or about to be pulled over that imaginary line that causes you to say, "enough if enough." I have been there and I am not sure I know the answer to those questions, but here are a few suggestions.

1. Spend some time in reflection and self-evaluation. It is easy to point out the faults in another person, but harder to see them in ourselves. Do you have a friend who will be honest with you? Not one who will tell you what you want to hear, but someone who loves you enough to tell you the ugly truth about yourself. We need people like that in our lives if we ever hope to grow.
2. You are wasting your time trying to change other people. You can only change yourself. Yes, it is trite and tired, but the saying is true, "You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails." Focus on what you can do, how you can change, but mostly what you need to remain emotionally healthy.
3. Count the cost. I'm done!  I've had enough! I can't live like this anymore! We have all said it, sometimes even meant it, but are you willing to pay the price. Broken relationships leave scars that almost never heal. They cause financial, emotional and even collateral damage when we give up on a relationship. That doesn't mean there is never a reason to walk away, just make sure that you count the cost to your family, your checkbook, and your spiritual and emotional health before you do.

The key to winning a tug of war is endurance. Hang on one minute longer, dig in just a little deeper, find solid ground so you can center yourself.  All good advice in relationships. I know its not really about winning and losing, but it is about fighting on, digging deep and giving it your best shot.