Do you know me?

I realize that our influence is important, that at times we have to stop and consider the impact our actions have on other people. I also know that we can't and shouldn't live our lives based on the endless scrutiny of those around us. There will always be others who disapprove of our choices and actions. The key is to "live in good conscience before all men."

Now I can't say that I have always lived in good conscience, or that I don't have any regrets for decisions I have made - I have plenty. I do however TRY to live life to the fullest and with the manner and character that sets a godly standard of behavior that others can see in my actions and behaviors.

All of that brings me to the point of this blog - DO YOU KNOW ME? What I mean by that is do you know me well enough to give me the benefit of the doubt when questions arise? Do you know me well enough to ask or inquire if you have a concern? Do you know me well enough to judge me based on a single comment, facebook post, or circumstance that seems uncharacteristic.

In the past week or so I have had two situations arise that made me question the public nature in which we live our lives (our pre-occupation with everyone's facebook pages),and  people's ability to quickly pass judgment on others. The first situation involved a distant acquaintance who, after looking over my daughter's facebook page (my daughter he has NO relationship with), decided she needed to be called in question over her interest in the Hogworts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. No she isn't a witch or sorcerer, but loves the Harry Potter books. The inquiry went beyond appropriate concern to an almost Pharisee-like pre-occupation with judging.

The second incident had to do with posting a facebook picture of me drinking Butter Beer (a creme soda) on my profile page. I was reminded that some people may not know that is a soft drink I am holding in the picture. So that raises the question, "Do you know me?" Are you willing to give me the benefit of the doubt?

I had a preacher friend who went in a bar looking for the wayward son of a church member. Now had you seen this man walking into the honky tonks and bars around Ft. Bragg, NC would you have judged him on what you saw, or given him the benfit of the doubt.

Lesson for the Day: "Let's be really, really careful on how we judge others!"

Where are your priorities?

This week our small group discussion centered on Mary & Martha (Luke 10:38-42). For those who grew up in church it is a familiar story, but for those who didn't here is my quick reader's digest version. Mary is sitting attentively at the feet of Jesus while Martha is upset because Mary won't help with the tasks that need to be completed. Martha is so upset she complains to Jesus only to be rebuked and told, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:41, 42).

Now, clearly the lesson has to do with making Jesus a priority in our lives, but the more I have mulled this over in my head, I realize that this less has some other applications that I desparately need in my life. The most important is how I let unimportant things crowd out important things. I have always enjoyed having lots of irons in the fire and different projects to work on. I may take on extra consulting work, decide to build something in the shop area of my garage, or just wash, wax and pamper my Honda Shadow.

All those things are fine till they start interfereing with the priorities that must stay at the top of my list - three in particular:

1. Focusing on my relationship with God. Spending time in prayer, bible study and meditation.
2. Making sure my family knows they are a priority. It is one thing for me to think I am making them a priority, another thing altogether if the "FEEL" like a priority.
3. Finally, my work with African Christian Schools. Not only does this put bread on my table, help those struggling on the continent of Africa, but it is closely linked to my first priority.

It is hard sometimes not to be a Martha and point my fingers at others and see their failures. I realize I must work on myself first, but it is also challenging when I see others neglecting the three or four most important priorities in their life because they are simply too busy, or as the ESV says, "anxious and troubled about many things."

O.K. I will start with myself and clean some of the less important items off my to do list, but I am challenging my friends, family and acquaintances to do the same. Here is my recommendation to get things back in balance:

• Take inventory of what is really important and focus on those things.
• Quit decieving yourself into thinking you can do it all - you are short-changing yourself and others in the process.
• Make those top two or three things your masterpiece. Focus on the quality and not the volume of your efforts.

Uncomplicated

Have you ever noticed that we tend to be our own worst enemies? I find that most of the stressors, challenges and struggles that suck the joy out of life are self-inflicted. That doesn't mean that other people don't contribute to  the challenges of everyday living, but even those relationships are often the results of choices I have made.

Here is my list of things that tend to complicate life - and maybe a few suggestions for simplifying.

1. STUFF- I could write columns and columns on this one area. What is the old saying, "We buy stuff we don't need to impress people we don't like with money we don't have." We buy it, we charge it, we covet it, then we have to care for it, protect it, fuss about it - until that day it becomes fodder for our garage sale - then will sell it for ten cents on the dollar.  The answer may seem like an verbal placibo, but simplify. The older I get, the less I want stuff and the more I want quiet, peace of mind and time for relaxation.
2. SHORT-TERM GRATIFICATION - It could be the ice cream sunday that I really shouldn't eat after a big meal at O'Charley's, or buying things on credit, to indulging myself by sleeping an extra hour when I should get up and go to the gym. We live in a "I want it now" generation and all too often we don't stop and ask ourselves the long-term impact of short-term gratification..
3. RELATIONSHIPS - Laura Schlessinger wrote a couple of books about the things people do to mess up their lives and a lot of it is relationship driven. I recall reading an interview with basketball great Grant Hill. As he was talking about the importance of character he said, "Even though my parents had to deal with people of questionable character in their work, they were never invited into our home. My parents wanted me to be exposed to people of character."   We make the decisions concerning the people who influence us, how they influence us and how much access they gain. It is easy to blame others for our circumstances, but if we look really deeply, how often have we given access to people who give us grief.  Make good choices people!
4. LEARN TO RELAX - Just read the story of Mary & Martha. Growing up my mother would jump up from the table and have to get the dishes cleared and things cleaned up rather than stop and enjoy her company. As she grew older she came realize the dishes can wait. Sometimes there is a fine line between being responsible and learning to relax, but in this ultra-busy world we live in I think we err on the side of "being responsible" all too often.

I only have today - therefore I am going to live it to the fullest, simplify where I can and enjoy the people God places in my life. So take a chill pill, relax a little and enjoy the goodness this world has to offer.

Truth: Speak it or Hear it.

A good friend posed a difficult question - "Is it more difficult to speak the truth, or to hear the truth."

Without trying to cop-out, my mind immediately races to all the variables that can arise in any given situation:

• Do I like or dislike the person? Whether giving or recieving wise counsel the relationship behind the action has a lot to do with receptiveness.
• Does the topic being addressed fall into a sensitive area? I am much more likely to recieve advice about losing 20 lbs than I am about my parenting skills or problems with my children. We all have areas where a natural defensiveness takes over.
• What the motives behind the instruction? If our goal is to "get our pound of flesh" or "even the score" the chances are we are undermining any opportunity at delivering or recieving a truthful, objective opinion.

All that being said, real maturity comes when we are able to disassociate the message from the messenger. I show the greatest level of responsible behavior when I try to objectively look at the information and determine it's validity (regardless of the source, or motives behind it).

As to the question at the start - is it more difficult to speak the truth, or recieve it? I can only speak for myself!  If you hit a sensitive cord, I am going to have a hard time hearing what is said. In speaking the truth to others - if it is someone I truly love and care for, the task becomes much, much more difficult.

Removing the Veil

I am often amazed at the personal issues people reveal on their social network pages. Facebook, Myspace and other platforms have added new meaning to the words "too much information," yet I find myself struggling with that question when I sit down to my blog. How much of my personal life do I share with others? When are my experiences beneficial to the growth and development of my readers and when are they just the ramblings of a man seeking a deeper understanding of life.

I was reading through some old journals this evening and ran across a lengthy entry I wrote when I was extremely discouraged with things in my personal life. I was actually a little rattled by the depth of despair that seemed evident in my words. I don't want to weigh you down with the entire 6 pages, but here is an excerpt:

"Help me to understand why the path to heaven leads me throught he gates of hell? How can my journey towards the light be shrouded in so much darkness? 'Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.'  Where did David find so much understanding? How could his faith be so great in the midst of tragic heartache? Thomas doubted! Job questioned! Peter even denied you - still they found themselves in you. Take me to your throne room and reveal to me your glory..."

I know that others experience the same feelings of euphoria and heartache, triumph and tragedy that I do. I write publicly in hopes that others might connect with those feelings and realize that we are never alone. Not only does God walk by our side, but many of our peers know our sorrows and long to hold our hands as we wander through the hard times and struggle in the darkness.

So back to my concerns. When do we remove the veil and reveal who we really are to those around us? Are my public rants of benefit to others, or are they simply an exercise in self-indulgence? I can't be sure, but tonight while I was reading the old entries one comforting thought came to light - these are gifts to my children. In my old journals they will see the old man as he really was - strong and courageous on somedays, weak and fallen on others. They will see the struggle, but hopefully they will see an unending pursuit towards "the prize of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14).

Going Home II

Fort Ponchartrain du Détroit was first founded in 1701 by some French missionaries. The city has a long history having been under the rule of three different countries (France, Britian and United States). When I return to my old home town I have different memories! Pine Knob Amphitheater, Joe Louis Arena, Tiger Stadium and Hines Park.

Monday I was bit overwhelmed by all the poverty and terrible impact our economy has had on Detroit, but being back in Michigan has also reminded me of all the good things I had growing up. While I drove around the old  city today listening to the classic oldies I heard growing up there was that eiree de javu feeling you get when things feel very familiar.

Coming home I am reminded at just how many friends I still have here. My parents retired and moved to Florida in 1978 and I haven't spent any significant time in the city for over 25 years - but I am still blessed with friends and memories. Walking into Villa Bakery and smelling the fresh bread, then sinking my teeth into their World Famous Pizza Bread was every bit as good as I remember. There was coffee at Dessert Oasis with friends from days past (I have been rebuked for referring to them as "old" friends). Add to that Sanders creme puffs with hot fudge, Tiger's games, and Detroit rock and roll and there is still so much good in this struggling old town.

Whether it is thinking about the poverty and struggles, or the blessings and joys of coming home, I know how blessed I am and thankful that God saw fit to reveal himself through the people and places I have experienced in my life.

Going Home

This past weekend I was having one of those deep, philosophical discussions with my kids when my son said, "Dad, I'm not surprised that people suffer in the world, but can't understand why I don't," or something along those lines. The point he was making had to do with how blessed he felt. Sometimes we get focused on all the things we don't have, and lose sight of all the good things God has given us.

This week I have had the opportunity of returning to my childhood home in Detroit, Michigan (well the western suburbs anyway). As I drove up Telegraph Road from Monroe, it was tragic to see so much of the old city boarded up. Businesses closed, buildings condemned and people struggling to put groceries on the table. It was heart-wrenching to drive through my old neighborhood and see the condition of the houses, and all the changes that had taken place since I was a child.

There were the normal things you experience when you try to "return home." The house looked smaller, the yard almost non-existent, and the houses in my old neighborhood seemed to be stacked one upon the other. These thing weren't near as troubling as seeing the neighborhood  all run down, houses condemned and the landmarks I remember taken over by urban sprawl. The real heartache came as I talked to friends from my past and heard troubling stories about people I grew up with. Friends who are now serving time in prison, others suffering years of unemployment, and some living below the poverty line. As I listened to the stories from my youth I was taken back to our conversation on Saturday and started to ask myself - "Why me? How did I get so lucky? Why should I be so blessed and others suffer so much?"  There are all the obvious answers, "good parents, hard work, a good education," but others had those same advantages.

The lesson of this week is gratitude and humility. When I want to grumble and complain, or think life is hard because of a leak in the bathroom, or the oxygen sensor in my car goes bad - someone just give me a good swift kick in the pants. Going home reminds me how hard my parents worked to give me something better, how blessed I am to have a good job and a great family, and what a great responsibility I have to remember those less fortunate and do what I can to contribute to good of all mankind.

Halfway to Happy

While relaxing at Starbucks this afternoon I was reading from my Kindle when I ran across a phrase that caught my attention. The author said that he was, "halfway to happy." You know how some phrases just resonate with you - this one struck a nerve. How many times has that statement been true for me? How often do we let some silly, little circumstance in life interrupt our happiness.

We have all heard that trite and overworked saying, "Life is a journey, not a destination," but few of us live like we believe it. How often do we postpone happiness thinking that someday we will arrive. "I can't wait for summer, or my tax return, or my new job, or the kids to go off to school, or the kids to come home from school." We trade the happiness that this very moment has to offer  in exchange for some fleeting ideal of what happiness is supposed to be  - we live "HALFWAY TO HAPPY.

The problem with living in HALFWAY is that we never arrive at our destination. Oh the tax return may come early, or the weather may warm up, but as soon as it does we start a new journey to HAPPYTOWN. We repeat the same cycle, but with new stuff waiting at our destination. Can't wait to retire, or my tennis match on Saturday, or my car to be paid off.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Today is a perfectly good day. It has 24 hours in it. It is loaded with opportunities, challenges, places to go, things to accomplish and the only thing that can ruin it is my state of mind. I am tired living halfway to happy - today I am reminded to embrace the journey. This is the day that the Lord has made - rejoice and be glad in it. (Pslams 118:24).

Leaving a Legacy

• David - a man after God's own heart.
• Peter - an apostle and elder in the church.
• Abraham - father of the faithful.
• Rahab - listed with the roll call of the faithful in Hebrews 11.

These may not be the first things you think about when these names come to mind, but I fear that many people give up on trying to leave a legacy because of some tragic event, or sin in their life. While these individuals all committed some pretty henious offenses - they also went on to live pretty signifcant and meaningful lives. They are often remembered for the good they did, even more than the wrongs they commtted.

David an adulterer and murderer. Peter denied Christ three times while use profane language. Abraham lied repeatedly and Rahab was a prostitute. These folks would not be on my short list of people to change the course of history and dramatically influence the lives generations yet unborn.

Too often we allow our past to hinder our future. Rather than transforming our mistakes and using them as motivation for good, we allow them to drag us down and cripple us. If a murderer and adulterer can be called, "a man after God's own heart," then there is still some hope that I cam make a difference.

There are places in my life I really messed things up. Words that I wish I could retrieve and behaviors that I am less than proud of - but none of those things has to handicap me for the future. I hear people say, "I just can't get over the mistakes of my past." Some will argue that others will not allow them to forget their failures, but the truth of the matter is that you have to take charge of your life and your legacy.

Here are 3 simple steps to turn your tragedy into triumph as you strive to move steadily forward:

1. Sincerely seek forgiveness for the mistakes or sins of your past. You can't move forward till you are honest with yourself.
2. Forgive yourself! You don't need that extra weight of guilt to carry around if you are trying to move forward.
3. Get Busy! If you want to leave a legacy, make a difference, change the world, then you need to start today. It can be small steps, but you can't sit idly by and wait for an epiphany to come.

In the mirror in my child's eyes.

It was a typical Sunday evening and I was standing in the back of the church building when, of all things, my posture was called into question. My wife said, "stop and look at yourself." Not quite sure where this discourse was heading I said the only reasonable thing I could, "what are you talking about?"  "You standing their with your hands on your hips - you son does the exact same thing."  Sure enough she was right, my odd way of standing had been adopted by my 6 year old son.

Some of the traits we pass on to our children are relatively harmless, while others are not. There is  no greater grief in my life than seeing my children adopt a negative behavior that I know they learned from me. Nothing brings me to my knees quicker, or humbles me more thoroughly than this.

This week I was competing in a tennis match when my opponent started to share some of his own heartaches about his children and grand-children. All in all he described 3 generations of addicts in his family. His conclusion was that his family was genetically pre-disposed to addictive behavior. I wanted to ask about the enviroment and pattern of behavior that had been prevelant in his family tree, but it wasn't the kind of discussion you had between points or at the change-over of sides.

Maybe there is some biological, or genetic tendency towards certain behaviors, but I am convinced that most of our behaviors are taught and learned. Our children are watching us, and waiting for us to lead them. They prefer we lead by example - that we demonstrate the qualities and characteristics we deem so important in their lives. There are however times when we must bridge the gap of our own sins and failings and demand that our children rise above the "sins of the father."

Sometimes it is hard to look in the mirror of my child's eyes. It reminds me of how much is at stake. Father give me strength to teach by word and example the lessons my children need to learn.