In the mirror in my child's eyes.

It was a typical Sunday evening and I was standing in the back of the church building when, of all things, my posture was called into question. My wife said, "stop and look at yourself." Not quite sure where this discourse was heading I said the only reasonable thing I could, "what are you talking about?"  "You standing their with your hands on your hips - you son does the exact same thing."  Sure enough she was right, my odd way of standing had been adopted by my 6 year old son.

Some of the traits we pass on to our children are relatively harmless, while others are not. There is  no greater grief in my life than seeing my children adopt a negative behavior that I know they learned from me. Nothing brings me to my knees quicker, or humbles me more thoroughly than this.

This week I was competing in a tennis match when my opponent started to share some of his own heartaches about his children and grand-children. All in all he described 3 generations of addicts in his family. His conclusion was that his family was genetically pre-disposed to addictive behavior. I wanted to ask about the enviroment and pattern of behavior that had been prevelant in his family tree, but it wasn't the kind of discussion you had between points or at the change-over of sides.

Maybe there is some biological, or genetic tendency towards certain behaviors, but I am convinced that most of our behaviors are taught and learned. Our children are watching us, and waiting for us to lead them. They prefer we lead by example - that we demonstrate the qualities and characteristics we deem so important in their lives. There are however times when we must bridge the gap of our own sins and failings and demand that our children rise above the "sins of the father."

Sometimes it is hard to look in the mirror of my child's eyes. It reminds me of how much is at stake. Father give me strength to teach by word and example the lessons my children need to learn.

Choices?

So do you believe that life is the result of the choices we make, or the values, actions and behavior of others? Do you tell yourself that life would be different if others changed their behavior, or do you believe that life changes when we change ourselves?

It's naive' to think that we live life in a vacuum - that the actions and behaviors of others have no affect on the outcomes in our lives. We also have to be careful not to allow external circumstances to define who we are on the inside. Alexander Solzhenitsn continued his public dissent though exiled to the Russian Gulag. Nelson Mandella, Victor Frankl, even Peter, James and John refused to have their voices silenced by the persecution and opposition of others.

The actions and behaviors of others may rob you of certain liberties, but the choices you make define who you are on the inside. That is something that no can take away from you - it is only lost when you surrender your values and blame your circumstances for what you have become.