Where is God when I need a kick in the pants?

I know, that is not your typical Christian blog beginning, but it just felt needed today. I did edit it to give it a PG rating. We all ask where God is when we are going through hardships, struggles and challenges. We plead with him when the world seems against us and there is nowhere to turn, but what about when we are just rebelliously trodding down the wrong path.

As a parent there have been times I realized my kids needed a good swift kick in the seat of their pants. I tried to reason with them, I tried timeouts and taking away privileges, but those things didn’t deter them in the least. The only thing they were going to understand was the firm, swift application of a rod, switch or yardstick to their hindside.

I think maybe God has his version of the yardstick. We sure see it in the Old Testament when he exercised his anger and wrath against his enemies. While sending the children of Israel into Babylonian Captivity was a punitive act, it was also intended to bring about repentance, but what about today? Does God have a New Testament version of taking us to the woodshed?

I am a stubborn person! There is no getting around it. I am just arrogant enough to think I’m right, that I can circumvent the rules and get away with it, only to learn that “the way of the transgressor is hard.” You really can’t escape the consequences of a rebellious heart.

That brings me to all those biblical words that stick in my throat sometimes: submission, surrender, there are even times that we are called “slaves.” That is what I always aspired to – a life of slavery. Problem is God's system works. Dylan said, “you’ve got to serve somebody. It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord, but your gonna have to serve some body.” Now Bob Dylan is not my spiritual advisor, but he got it right on this one.

I can’t understand why it is so hard at times for that to sink in. My life is better, I tend to be happier and things work out when I walk with God. Jeremiah tried to tell us, “It is not in man to direct his own steps.” So knock me upside the head with a 2 X 4, send me to the woodshed, bring my heart again into submission to your will.

Tug of War

So what does happen when an irresistable force meets an unmoveable object? For the past two years I have worked with a marriage ministry and that seems to be a common theme among many couples. They are caught in a viscious tug of war match to see who can secure the most emotional territory.

There is no question that in many relationships one person is working harder, doing more and trying harder than the other person. They have invested time, their emotional energy and in many cases sacrificed their personal dreams and visions for the sake of the relationship.

So what happens when you are emotionally spent? What do you do when  you are running out of rope, or about to be pulled over that imaginary line that causes you to say, "enough if enough." I have been there and I am not sure I know the answer to those questions, but here are a few suggestions.

1. Spend some time in reflection and self-evaluation. It is easy to point out the faults in another person, but harder to see them in ourselves. Do you have a friend who will be honest with you? Not one who will tell you what you want to hear, but someone who loves you enough to tell you the ugly truth about yourself. We need people like that in our lives if we ever hope to grow.
2. You are wasting your time trying to change other people. You can only change yourself. Yes, it is trite and tired, but the saying is true, "You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails." Focus on what you can do, how you can change, but mostly what you need to remain emotionally healthy.
3. Count the cost. I'm done!  I've had enough! I can't live like this anymore! We have all said it, sometimes even meant it, but are you willing to pay the price. Broken relationships leave scars that almost never heal. They cause financial, emotional and even collateral damage when we give up on a relationship. That doesn't mean there is never a reason to walk away, just make sure that you count the cost to your family, your checkbook, and your spiritual and emotional health before you do.

The key to winning a tug of war is endurance. Hang on one minute longer, dig in just a little deeper, find solid ground so you can center yourself.  All good advice in relationships. I know its not really about winning and losing, but it is about fighting on, digging deep and giving it your best shot.

Managing Defeat

"Before success in any man's life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and perhaps failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do." Napolean Hill

A few years back I had the privilege of working with a friend who ran a men's shelter. My perception of homeless shelters was a place reserved for drug addicts and the most challenged social classes of our society. I was surprised to learn that most of the men came from typical middle-class backgrounds, but somewhere along the way had suffered some devastating defeat in their life. They went through a divorce, had a child die, or were downsized from a longstanding position in the corporate world. Rather than address the problem, it was easier to escape into a world of self-pity and doubt.

I realized then that a very thin line existed between my own failures and defeats and those fighting daily to reclaim the most basic elements of life. "But for the grace of God, goes me." I have been through divorce, depression and discouragement. I have come very close to quitting on things that really mattered. I have spent mornings unprepared and unwilling to wade through another day of disappointment, struggle and hardship, but here I am - one day closer to eternity, one day closer to victory.

I don't have all the answers to managing defeat and failure. I wish I knew how to best overcome the struggles of discouragment and depression. The one thing I am confident about is this. If you want to succeed, you can never surrender your dreams. What sets you apart, lifts you above the masses, the single character issue that places you in the small minority of winners is an unwillingness to quit - for as Napolean Hill correctly stated, "That is exactly what the majority of men do!"

Trent Wheeler