Summer is coming

"Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, 'What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.' Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope."  Vincent Van Gogh

When you read the troubled history of someone like Van Gogh and then you read such words of encouragement and optimism, it serves as a stark reminder of the highs and lows we all face in life. What permutation of life came when Vincent penned those words? How many dark nights had he endured before a few calming rays of sunshine warmed him from the cold of a long winter?

I have often been criticized for my unapologetic optimism. Even when life has dealt to me from the bottom of the deck, I have always believed there is a better life ahead of me. I tire of those who claim I am not a realist, that I look at the world through rose-colored glasses. Maybe so, but I am  happier for it.

May has already been a dark, cold winter in my life. A week ago I thought I would buckle under the load. There are still miles for me to run in this current marathon I have started. There are projects to finish, foolish people to deal with, places I must go and challenges that must be faced. In every marathon there is a point where runners ask themselves, "Is it worth it," or "do I have the strength to finish?" Some drop out and others press on to the finish line.

Like Van Gogh, I know that summer is coming. The winter of my discontent will fade under the unrelenting warmth of the summer sun. If  the forecast for your life is dark and rainy, do not despair, sunshine is on its way.

Boundaries

Boundaries are those troublesome obstacles that we want other people to live by. We set boundaries for our children, establish "personal space" in relationships, and put up walls for those that irritate or annoy us. Walls, boundaries, establishing our territory is all fine until someone wants us to live within the confines of their rules.

This is one of those sticky topics where I don't have any clear answers. I never liked rules. I war against those who try to tell me what to do or how to live. Don't tread on me! Don't fence me in! Don't tell me what to do! My personality leans strongly in the direction of Libertarian ideology, but my sensibilities don't. I realize what chaos, anarchy and confusion there would be without rules.

So for now, I continue in that endless struggle of doing what is right and doing what I please. I guess the answer is bringing those two concepts into harmony with one another.

It's the shoes!

What we say and what other people hear are often two vastly different things. In counseling, therapists use a technique called "active listening." This is where you listen to what the other person is saying and then repeat it back to them in your own words. Then that individual lets you know if you actual heard what they were saying.

We all have selective hearing. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear. Sometimes we simply aren't paying attention like we should. OH! Then there is the occasion that we honestly misunderstood what was stated. Let me give you an example of how our auditory equipment works:

"Sally, you look great today. I love the your new hair style and your dress looks fabulous. You are going to knock em dead at the party tonight. I am a little unsure about the shoes though."

Out of that glowing praise and recognition - what did Sally hear? My shoes don't match, they don't work with this dress, or worse - SHE HATES MY SHOES!!! In most cases that was not the intent of the individual, but that is what was heard. This goes on all the time in relationships and it often causes conflict. That is why you will hear people say, "All I do for you and you don't appreciate me," or something similar.

We forget all the goodness, kindness and generosity that is provided by others and end up focusing on the shoes. We get caught up in the moment, in the cross words or the inattention and forget all the good things we should be thankful for. When I went to motorcycle school they taught us how a tiny little blind spot the size of a pencil head could blot out our vision of an oncoming truck (blind spots are deadly). The closer we hold that small, insignificant item to us, the more it impairs our vision. The same is true in relationships. The closer we hold our prejudices and problems, the more it blots out all that is good.

I don't know what the answer is! I am as guilty as the next person of getting upset about some little thing and letting it blot out what really matters. I think the best thing for me is to donate all my shoes to Haiti, then I won't have any distractions.  :-)

Trent Wheeler