Talk to me

I was reminded today of the value of basic communication. We live in a world of acronyms, texting shorthand and impersonal communication. Between the LOL's and IDK's I get from my kids, I wonder if, as parents we are really stop to hear what our children have to say. I have been known to text my own children rather than walk up stairs and talk to them.

Most of us already know that communication is lacking in the parent-child relationship, but texting my kids when I could be having a conversation; writing notes on their Facebook walls or saying hello and running off to my man-cave really don't solve the larger problems in life.

When my son graduated from college we started having lunch together once a week. When he was in high school we would talk every night and now that he is on his own and taking on the world, I cherish those conversations more than ever. Today I had lunch with my daughter. The original design was to talk about college, her future, but it struck me just how much it means for her to tell me about her day, her friends, some crazy new song, or whatever it is on her mind.

When our children are teenagers they don't think we listen to them (maybe because we often don't listen to them). We are too busy with a hundred other things to hear some silly story about a friend getting stuck in the bathroom stall, or their unique views on politics and religion. We want them to stop, to listen to us, to show respect in an evnironment where they don't feel genuinely loved.

I am not suggestion life with our kids is all warm fuzzies. They need discipline, order, respect, but ultimatley they need to know they are loved. That happens when we stop just long enought to ask, "what is on your mind today."

I just don't get it . . .

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is it that life just stinks sometimes? Why do my plans all seem for naught, or my life doesn't seem to work out the way I planned? I understand we are supposed to have faith. I realize that God promises that "all things work together for good..." (Romans 8:28). I know that God said, "my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways..." (Isaiah 55:8), but understanding that in my head doesn't always translate to understanding that in my heart.

I am sharing my doubts and fears today because I know that I am not alone in those feelings. There are so many people who go through periods of doubt, but are afraid to voice them. If they speak up, a well meaning brother or sister might give them a spiritual placebo. You just need to have a stronger faith! You need to pray more, or study more, or . . .

I am not discounting the importance of spiritual disciplines in our lives, but as Christians we need to feel safe in telling others about our doubts and fears. I fear at times that my example may have sent the wrong message to my children. I fear that my faith is weak and I haven't always grown in my Christian virtues. I openly wonder at times why God allows me to experience some the things I experience.

But doesn't being a Christian mean that we should trust in God, understand that he has a plan, know that HE is faithful.  Yes, but I still don't understand it all at times. Job, had a similar problem. God said, "There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." (Job 1:8). Here is a man of pretty strong faith, but he questioned God; he struggled with the circumstances of his life - WHY would God let this happen to me?

At times I feel like a puppet in the hands of an angry God. Some of you may say, "Trent, how can you say that?"  It isn't about God being unfair, or unjust - it represents my challenge with the flesh. Whatever your interpretation of the events at the cross, I can still hear the voice of my Savior as he too cries out, "My God, My God, why has thou forskaen me" (Matthew 27:46).

So let us be understanding when our brethren struggle with their faith. Let us encourage them as they seek answers to the paintful questions of life. Let us remind them that they are not alone in their doubts and fears. Some of the greatest men and women of faith have also struggled.  At times I don't understand, but I strive to persevere.  May God bless your journey to its victorious conclusion.

Called to his love

I spent a good portion of my life trying to help fix people (still do that too often). You may wonder what does that mean. I would give advice, counsel people, point out the error of their ways, or maybe give them some scripture references that were relevant to the matter at hand. In other words, I spent a lot of time, energy and hot air trying to get people to see things my way.

Now I am starting to understand that maybe my approach was not the most effective. I am not a doctor or psychologist; I don't have the tools or equipment to heal the world, but I know someone who does. Jesus said, "when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me" (John 12:32). Like Andrew, my job isn't so much to fix the problems of my friends, neighbors or others in the world - my job is to lead them to the great Physician. "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and  I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28, 29).

Now this might upset a few folks, but what if we took a different approach to ministering to people. What if we "lift up Jesus," and let others be drawn to him. Rather than trying to fix things I lead them to the only person who can fix them - Jesus Christ. He has the power to forgive sin, He has the power to transform lives, He has the power of life and death.

I used to study and counsel with people and I would take them to passages of scripture that seemed relevant at the time. Don't you understand that I Cor. 6 condemns such behavior (i.e. your a sinner and your going to hell if you don't stop). If it wasn't that passage it was another that pointed out the folly of their way. I decided to try a different approach to working with sinners (me and others). "How is your relationship with God and Christ right now?"  "Are you aware that Jesus really loves you - even though life really stinks at the moment?"

You may think I have lost my mind, or that I don't care about "behavior modification," but that isn't true. I have simply realized that if I can help a person to deepen their relationship with Christ, to seek and desire to walk with Him and know Him intimately, I have a better shot at "fixing" whatever is wrong.

Let me illustrate. When I was a kid and I messed up, my father would take off his belt and remind me of the folly of my ways. Almost without exception my very next action was to go seek the love and approval of my mother.  In times of sin, troubles and disappointment more than anything in the world, I want to know I am loved.

Maybe that is what is meant by "love covers a multitude of sin."

Where is God when I need a kick in the pants?

I know, that is not your typical Christian blog beginning, but it just felt needed today. I did edit it to give it a PG rating. We all ask where God is when we are going through hardships, struggles and challenges. We plead with him when the world seems against us and there is nowhere to turn, but what about when we are just rebelliously trodding down the wrong path.

As a parent there have been times I realized my kids needed a good swift kick in the seat of their pants. I tried to reason with them, I tried timeouts and taking away privileges, but those things didn’t deter them in the least. The only thing they were going to understand was the firm, swift application of a rod, switch or yardstick to their hindside.

I think maybe God has his version of the yardstick. We sure see it in the Old Testament when he exercised his anger and wrath against his enemies. While sending the children of Israel into Babylonian Captivity was a punitive act, it was also intended to bring about repentance, but what about today? Does God have a New Testament version of taking us to the woodshed?

I am a stubborn person! There is no getting around it. I am just arrogant enough to think I’m right, that I can circumvent the rules and get away with it, only to learn that “the way of the transgressor is hard.” You really can’t escape the consequences of a rebellious heart.

That brings me to all those biblical words that stick in my throat sometimes: submission, surrender, there are even times that we are called “slaves.” That is what I always aspired to – a life of slavery. Problem is God's system works. Dylan said, “you’ve got to serve somebody. It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord, but your gonna have to serve some body.” Now Bob Dylan is not my spiritual advisor, but he got it right on this one.

I can’t understand why it is so hard at times for that to sink in. My life is better, I tend to be happier and things work out when I walk with God. Jeremiah tried to tell us, “It is not in man to direct his own steps.” So knock me upside the head with a 2 X 4, send me to the woodshed, bring my heart again into submission to your will.

A Spiritual Awakening

Maybe it's my stubborn arrogance, or perhaps it is 20 +  years of pastoral counseling, but sometimes I look around at my peers and ask, "Is anyone listening?"  It has become increasingly apparant to me that our current generation operates on a very different paradigm than the one I grew up with. And with the risk of offending some of my more "established" brethren, I think there is a tremendous need for change in our churches.


Now before you call me a change agent, apostate, or a reprobate, stop and listen for a minute. Not all change is evil! Innovation is not necessarily the work of the devil and it would suit us at times to stop, listen and learn from the generation that is rapidly moving into leadership roles in our churches.


I don't know what the correct term is for the 20-40 year olds in our society. The baby boomers are getting ready for retirement, Generation X is now running Corporate America, so whatever the correct term is, we need to start listening to the NEEDS of those 20 and up.  They are dealing with problems, issues and struggles we never faced.  Pornography is epidemic, pedophiles walk the streets of our neighborhoods and our 10 year olds learn what oral sex is before they know the most basic Algebraic formulas.


So what am I hearing and what would I change?  I believe there is a resurgence of faith in our country. Young families are seeking a deeper spiritual understanding and relationship with God. We rightfully spend time teaching on doctrines and commandments, but if we fail to address the relationship side of our faith, we are missing an opportunity to serve this community.  How can we develop a more intimate and meaningful relationship with God? How can my prayers trascend the rote recitation of "give us this day our daily bread," and stir deep, meaningful exchanges with God?  I hear cries for help in understanding the Spirit's work in our daily lives.


There is a longing and yearning to know God. As I read the Psalms I sense much of this same spirit as David opened his heart and cried out for understand, fellowship and intimacy with the Most High. When we learn ourselves how to better connect with the eternal Godhead and then communicate that to the world we may just stir the next great awakening.

Wake Up

"Wake up oh sleeper, rise from the dead,  and Christ will shine on you" (Eph. 5:14).

Outside of trying to get my kids up for school, it amazes me how many people seem to walk through life in a daze, clueless to what is going on all around them. I'm not talking about the political climate, social injustice or even our current economic malaise - its our apathy and indifference to people who are hurting. I'm not talking about earthqauke victims in Haiti or starving children in Somalia, I'm talking about the guy next door, down the street, or the person sitting next to you at church.

I struggle with a growing indifference towards organized efforts to  "save the world." I have seen sinful amounts of money spent on bureaucratic waste, and religious and nonprofit leadership become mired in their own self-interest. I think we have reached a point in our society where we need a good dose of "good samaritan" teaching.

I am tired of hearing about budget deficits or why we can't do more to help our communities. It's time to wake up and realize the tremendous power of the individual. If you want to change the world for the better here are a few suggestions.

• Take a few minutes out of your day to call someone you know is hurting and just stop and listen.
• Forget about the "What's in it for me" philosophy that cripples our ability to really help another persons.
• Devote a little time to get to know your neighbors. I have lived in my new home since April and beyond the cursory "hi, how ya doin,"  I don't know any of my neighbors. I haven't had them in my home, asked if they need anything, my sole good work in my community the last 6 months has been to stake up a tree for my next door neighbor while he was out of town.

We need to wake up!!! Politicians are promising to fix our economy, to help the down trodden, that no child will be left behind. Religious organizations develop programs, set budgets and recruit workers, but you can change a life. You can make a difference right now, today. Just by picking up the telephone, walking over to your neighbor's house, paying a visit to a widow or widower - you change the world one person at time.

If you haven't figured it out, I am a little tired of the platitudes and promises, vision statements and P.R. campaigns. I think it is time we got back to a country where each man helps his neighbor. A place where we don't depend on some organized dysfunction to try to fix what is wrong with our society. It is time for each us to make a difference where it counts - with the people we interact with (or should interact with) each day.

I want to live deliberately . . .

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan- like as to put to rout all that was not life..." Henry David Thoreau

 Yesterday my son posted part of this quote on my Facebook page, stirring two passions that we both share - a love of great quotes and our passion for the outdoors. Thoreau's comments reflect the feelings and passions of many. His two years, two months and two days he spent at Walden's Pond was recorded in his journal - Walden. His reflections resonate with many concerning flawed social structures, nature and living simply.

Each year my heart yearns more and more for the simple existence. I am not sure if it is the result of years of mission work and watching most of the world struggle for their daily existence, or my deep love and passion for the beauty and splendor nature. I only know that I could be perfectly content with a small cabin, a dependable rifle and a fishing rod.

When I think of heaven, I imagine a small strip of land near a lake, or overlooking a magnificent valley; a place where there is plenty of wildlife to hunt and fish, and Dog (yes, that's his name) is sitting on the front porch sleeping contently. No phones, no internet, no HDTV, just the sounds of hoot owls in the morning and the chirp of crickets at night.  God paints the palette of the evening sky with orange, purple, golds and blues and the morning frost covers the ground like powdered sugar.

So, like Thoreau - "I want to live diliberately."

Led by the Spirit

"You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." (Romans 8:9-11).

In performing my daily Bible reading (and a number of blogs I frequent), I was struck with an interesting question, "How do you know if the Spirit is leading you?"  That question has lots of layers. There are those who would give the obvious answer, "is it in harmony with Biblical teaching," but that begs the question in many cases. I may have alternatives or choices that all could be in harmony with God's revealed will. Paul was specificallly called to the churches of Macedonia, but on other occasions his free-will allowed him to pursue different paths. Would preaching in Corinth be less of God's will than preaching in Philippi?

This is a dangerous question because men have a tendency to project their own will onto God. The many years I spent in singles ministry I remember hearing men and women say, "God wants me to be happy." Their answer to that "revelation" was to engage in sexual intimacy outside of marriage. Is that really what God wanted for them, or where they projecting their own desires as God's will. Yes, this is a practice that can be clearly defined by Biblical truth (I Cor. 6:12-17), but it illustrates our human nature can over-ride our spiritual path.

I have friends who are convinced that God spoke to them in dreams, others who have boldly asserted "I know this is God's will for my life." With me its not quite so clear. I know the Bible says I am led by the Spirit (Romans 8:14), but sometimes I manage to miss the road sign along the way. I can look in my rear view mirror and see what God intended, or the course we have travelled together, but I have more difficulty in reading the map to where I am supposed to be going.

God has blessed me with lots of great opportunities in life. I have worked with great organizations, served in leadership in churches and community groups, but like many I stand at a crossroads of life and ask, "God what is next?"  I have settled on a formula that works for me. Whether it is the best approach I cannot say, but here it is.

1. First, commend yourself to the right things. Read your Bible, study daily, pray often, but most importantly try to translate the things you learn into your daily living. I find when I truly make the effort to "walk in the Spirit" things seem to come together for me.
2. Second, be attuned to what is going on in your life. I believe that the Spirit works through other individuals and circumstances. We have to believe that God makes intercession or why do we pray? If we slow down and listen we may better understand the message He is trying to communicate.
3. Wait on the Lord. We all seem to want quick answers. God I need this problem solved and I need it now. I believe patience and long-suffering are two of the life skills God is constantly trying to teach us. I see it in my own life and the lives of those around me.

Am I led by the Spirit? I know the Spirit is doing His part, sometimes I fall down on mine. Yes, God, Christ and Spirit live in me, but I don't always know how they are interacting with my life.

An Understanding Heart

As  I sit here in the solitude and quiet of my office I have a few minutes to reflect before all the cares and worries of the day invade my consciousness. The last few weeks  have been filled with quiet revelations from God. No, not revelations of scripture or his divine will, but revelations into the lives of my friends and loved ones.

Almost daily over the past few weeks someone I love has shared a hurt or heartache with me. The more I stop and listen, the more I realize a lot of people are hurting. Yesterday, feeling a little overwhelmed by all that is going on in the lives of my friends I almost flippantly posted - "I need to take a day off, just so I can have enough time to pray." What a revelation that turned out to be. One after another friends asked to be added to my prayer list - humbling to say the least.

Getting to peek just beyond the flesh and bone, blood and marrow, my friends have taken off their masks just long enough to say, "hear me, hurt with me, pray for me." In these moments of vulnerability and transparency they have taught me some very important lessons.

1. I need to take my own mask off once in a while. I was taught that men need to remain strong, stand firm, that we need to be up to any task. All too often I quietly bear my burdens alone when there is a world of people who would pray for me, prop me up when I am weak and carry my load when it gets to heavy to bear.
2. I need to hear God's call to minister. I don't know why people gravitate to me with their cares and burdens, but I need to be willing to speak a blessing into their lives. Sometimes I need to speak hard truths into their lives. In either case I need to lean on God's strength and wisdom - seeking discernment as I go.
3. I need to pray daily for a compassionate and understanding heart. I don't have to have all the answers. I know I can't solve everyone's problems, but I can love people through the struggles and hardships of life for "Love covers a multitude of sin" (I Peter 4:8).

So to all my friends who have taught me so much the last few weeks - thank you. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your burdens. Thank you for reminding me that God has called me to minister.  One last thing - Pray for Me, Pray for Wisdom, Pray that God will always give me a tender and understanding heart.

Why I'm am Optimist

I have been criticized at times for being a little too Pollyanna in my outlook on life. I am the eternal optimist. I believe that things will be better tomorrow than they are today and regardless of how bad things get, there is always some good to draw from the bumps and bruises of life.

WHY, when the world is so messed up, when our government is out of control, when our economy is in the toilet, would I choose to put a positive spin on things. You may be thinking, "is he so naive that he doesn't see all the crime, violence and attrocities being perpetratred in the world?" Why would you choose to be an optimist in the midst of all of this.

1. Because God is in control. He may weave shades of darkness and light into the tapestry of my existence, but He sees the beauty and splendor of the pattern when He is finished with me (Romans 8:28). I trust that he will safely guide me through the valle of the shadow of death.
2. Because I am happier because of it. It may be naive. You can call me clueless, but most days I am pretty content with my life. It ain't perfect, but its pretty good. I have it better than most of the folks on this planet. I have plenty of stuff (more than I will ever need), lots and lots of food, a good job, great friends, a loving church, an amazing family. So which is better really, to be thankful for all that, or complain and moan because someone took my parking spot at the mall - I just don't get some people.
3. Because happiness is a choice. None of our lives are perfect. I have watched cancer victims slip quietly into eternity whose optimism and positive attitude was an inspiration. I have seen others with every possible advantage, grumble, complain and whine about some stupid, silly matter that robs them not only of their happiness, but any joy their "stuff" might have brought them.

So, you can criticize me, laugh at my foolish and naive approach to life - that's alright! I am still choosing happiness over sorry, optimism over pessimism and trust in God over the discouragement of men. Honest Abe was right, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."

Do Right Regardless

A friend and reader asked about how we handle difficult relationships - particularly those that involve conflict and people who don't meet their obligations. She shared her insights that it is our responsibility to do right regardless of the circumstances. Here are a few reasons to do the honorable thing, even if others don't.

1. My children are watching me. The lessons they learn about right and wrong, good and evil, but most importantly the lessons they learn on handling difficult situations come from watching me. They learn far more from my character than they learn from my monologues. If I want my children to live good honorable lives, then I need to model that for them.

2. You're better than that. My mother always told me not to lower myself to other people's standards. When I did stumble and mess us she reminded me - "you're better than that." Why would we criticize the failings of others only to model their very same behavior? Remember the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."  Didn't Jesus also tell you to "Love your enemies, and to pray for those who persecute you" (Matt. 5:44).  Hard teachings - but we will be better people if we practice these truths.

3. Sow an act - reap a habit. Sow a habit - reap a character. Sow a character - reap a destiny. My children would get tired of me telling them, "By your actions you are determining what kind of person you will be when you grow up." How many times have you heard people say, usually after getting in trouble - "I'm really not that kind of person."  That may be true, but if you continue down that path - you will be.

The simple answer is to live a pro-active life. Make decisions based on your values, the things you know that are "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and praiseworthy" (Philippians 4:8).  If you make those kind of decisions, no one will ever question your character.

Deep thoughts and fun moments

For everyone who added ideas for me to blog about - thank you. I have taken them all very seriously, especially the colonoscopy recommended by my most twisted brother (you are probably not surprised). I will address each of your recommendations soon, some require more time and thought than others.

Posting the survey also got to thinking about how we are all in different places, have different needs and seeking different answers (or at times confirmation of our beliefs). That is why God gave us friends to speak into our lives. I am always touched by the comments I recieve to this blog, but even more I am humbled when someone comes up and comments (I often think no one is reading).

This week I was reminded of a book I read called "Givers and Takers." The title is self-explanatory, there are givers in this world and takers. All too often the givers are taken advantage of by the takers. That is just another reason I use this platform to try to speak into the lives of others. I want to be a giver - even if it means being taken advantage of once in a while.

So, reading through the comments of my recent poll reminded me of the deep conversations I have had with many of you, but also all the fun times I have enjoyed. One great thing about social networking is remember all the laughs, fun and trouble we caused together.