Disappointed

It is always hard when people you depend on let you down. It is even more difficult when you go to the mat for them and they leave you hanging. Having been through that struggle more than once, I realized that we follow a pretty normal procedure when these things happen.

1. There is the anger and frustration phase. How could they do this to me. I have done so much for them. I am so disappointed, angry ________ (insert adjective).
2. Next there is the instinct to retaliate. It may not dwell in all people, but I think most of us have an "eye for an eye" gene somewhere in our system. "They are going to do that to me - I will show them."
3. At some point reason should begin to set in. I say, should begin to set in because it doesn't always work that way. Some people never get beyond anger and revenge and that is sad for them.

I am moving into the reason stage, which means I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. I try to understand why they let me down, what was going through their head. I search for a good reason to forgive and forget.

Arriving at the reason stage of any disappointment is really finding the path to personal healing. I don't like being angry, frustrated or disappointed by others. I don't like walking around wasting useful energy on useless endeavors. There is a time we just need to learn to let go.

Thanksgiving 2010

We all recall the stories of the early pilgrims struggling through the first seasons of sowing and harvest. We reminisce about the native American's who shared their maize and meats with the early settlers.

Today's Thanksgiving observance is steeped in lots of family tradition and an immense amount of calories. I would guess that most people take a few minutes around the table to count their blessings and offer the obligatory thanksgiving prayer. Others take some real time to focus on all the abundance God has given us in this great nation.

This year I am truly thankful. When we stop and think about Thanksgiving, pause for just a minute and remember where you have the good fortune to live. In Haiti there are still millions of people without homes, living under the most Spartan of shelters and battling cholera, dysentery and disease. In many regions of Africa tribes are rising up against other tribes and committing acts of violence and attrocities that would shake the core of our sensibilitites.  There are children who go to bed without anything to eat, millions who are dying of AIDS in Africa, and the billions (yes billions) who don't even have potable water to drink, wash or cook with. These are not the apocryphal stories we tell our children when they don't eat their brussel sprouts. These are real people, hungry, struggling for their daily survival and in desparate need of food, shelter and care.

I don't respond well to guilt, and I am sure there are others like me, so rather than appeal to your guilt and shame, I am going to appeal to your compassion and empathy. I would venture to say that our family will spend in the hundreds of dollars this year just on groceries for Thanksgiving (add in the decorations, table settings, etc. etc.) and I really don't want to know what the bill will be.

This year I plan to celebrate my thankfulness to God by sharing those blessings with others and I am asking you join me. Most of you have good works you support (please send a little something extra this week to help make a difference). If you don't have a charity of choice, this year I have added a special work that needs my help (and yours). If you can send a little something extra, please join with me in helping the organization below:

Manuelito Navajo Children's Home
P.O. Box 58
Gallup, NM  87305
(505) 863-5530

Our escape to 17

I love scrolling through my friends facebook albums. Especially the ones from back when we were kids. It amazes me how they all have changed but I still look like I'm 17. For all the great marketing applications, the chance to reconnect with old friends and the lives I have been able to reach out to because facebook, I realized that one of the real appeals is the ability to be a kid again.

When I read posts and look at some of the things people post on Facebook I think - grow up. Of course, the minute I think that someone sends me an email and says - Trent, grow up! Facebook is an escape from reality. Reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in 15, 20 and some even 30 years brings a flood of childhood memories of the "glory days."  I also realize there are people out there who know far more about me than I might be comfortable revealing on my own.

There is nothing wrong with remembering the good times, reconnecting with old friends, or laughing over silly stunts we pulled in college. The problem is this world's new found social media frenzy is also reconnecting people to so many things that can destroy their lives. The desire to "go back" and relive some of those rebellious moments in time. Married people seeking out their old flames with what turns out to be a tragic experiement over time.

I am not claiming I invulnerability, on the contrary, by speaking openly about the risks and dangers of "reliving my youth," maybe I will be a little more cautious, a little more circumspect, a little more transparent in my actions and behaviors.

Tribute

Tom Wheeler, Vietnam

Today I get to sit in the warmth and comfort of my office because there are others stationed in the unrelenting heat of an Iraqi desert, or the chilling cold of an Afghan mountainside. Our troops constitute a volunteer service. The men and women who defend our freedoms do so by choice, not because they are compelled to do so.

Veterans Day is more than just a pinpoint on the calendar, or a time to hang my flag on the front porch. It is a time when a grateful nation should get on her knees and thank God for our freedoms and thank the men and women who serve as his instruments in the field of battle.

To all the left-leaning doves who think that liberty and freedom can exist without a sacrifice of blood, sweat, toil and tears I invite you to move to Somalia, Sudan, or even Mexico. We need to heed the words of Winston Churchill, "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, thinking it will eat him last."

So to all our troops I say thank you. To any and all who have served our country with courage and distinction I say thank you. And to all the families who have shared their brave men and women with a grateful nation I say thank you.

Being Different

There are lots of ways to be different. Some people show their uniqueness by the way they dress, others by their strange and quirky personalities. My favorite are the people who claim to express their individuality by wearing the same new fashion trends that are sweeping the nation.

Solomon tells us, "there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecc. 1:9). That puts a bit of a damper in my creative juices. Perhaps a better term than "being different" would be "set apart." When the phrase is used in a biblical setting it means "set apart for a purpose," in much the same way you take out eggs, sugar, flour and milk for the specific purpose of making cookies.

I have learned (but not often enough), that if you really want to be different, to set yourself apart from the crowd there is no greater opportunity than when things really stink. I have met Hospice patients who faced death with such dignity and faith that they inspired everyone around them. I have walked with single parents who despite the loss of a spouse, have held their heads high and focused on the well-being of their children.

How I handle adversity is what really sets me apart from the crowd. My character and true nature are best demonstrated when the deck is stacked against me. Can I persevere in times of trial? Do I respond in a kind and loving way when I feel mistreated? Someone wisely said, "You can no more blame your character on your circumstances than you can blame the mirror for your looks."

We CHOOSE the kind of person we are going to be by the actions we take. If I really want to be different, I will make better choices when faced with adversity. If I really want to be set apart for an holy calling, I will allow people to see that character is best demonstrated in times of trial. If I want to find peace within, then I must learn to manage the storms that are without.

A different approach

Over the years my approach to Bible study has changed dramatically. First, let me take you through a quick evolution of my study and preparation methods.

• Infant Stage: This is when I would lean heavily on a sermon outline book, or commentary from a competent source to tell me what I am supposed to believe and understand.
• Child Stage: I began reading and studying lots of materials, doing comparative analysis on the text and drawing informed conclusions from my study.
• Young Adult Stage: I started my study with the word. What did the Bible say? Who was it written to, what were the circumstances of the writing? What was the author trying to say to that audience? After drawing my initial conclusions I would look for others who had come to similar realizations in their works (as a means to test my theories).
• Mature Stage (or at least I hope so): I read and study the Bible as a series of letters written just for me. What is the author (God) trying to communicate into my life. The first readers of the scriptures did not have commentaries, lexicons or Ph.D's to consult when they read the text - it made an impression on each of them in a personal way.

A few years ago my mother passed away. Of all the treasured things she left behind, I most cherish a letter she had locked away for after her death. In that letter she shares her faith, love and hope for my future. When I read that letter I don't parse each word, diagram the sentence structure, but I clearly understand the theme and purpose for which it was written. My mom wants me to go to heaven. She wants me to be faithful. She loves me more than life and left me a gift to insure that I would never forget her, or her hopes and dreams for me.

Our Savior did the same thing. He left me a letter that defines his hopes and dreams for my future. It is full of practical instruction on how to live and motivitational examples of what others have done before me. You don't need a Ph.D to know what God wants for your life - just pick up the collection of letters he left for you and read them now and again.

Understanding Foreknowledge

A lot of people struggle with understanding the biblical teaching of foreknowledge. Specifically they want to know how God can know the outcome of a situation without having controlled the specific details. The longer I parent, the easier it is to understand foreknowledge. Now there is a difference in God's perfect foreknowledge and the parental equivalent that each of has. Parental foreknowlege comes through years of painful experience.

As a parent, how many times have you made statements similar to these:

• I know that isn't going to lead to anything good.
• I told them not to do it - but I just know they aren't listening to me.
• I have a really bad feeling about . . .

Call it instinct, experience or foreknowledge, but as parents we often get opportunities to learn god-like lessons in our life. The longer I parent, the more I realize how much God loves me. I have a greater appreciation of the foolishness HE puts up with and the times that he pleads with us, "don't do it, don't do it, don't do it."

My father allows me to exercise a certain level of foolishness and folly in my life. Sometimes its because I am just too stubborn to listen, at other times He allows me to fall on my face to learn a valuable lesson. As a parent I struggle with knowing what that balance is with my own children. As my children get older, I want to give them more freedom and liberty, but when you see a train wreck coming their way your first instinct is to pull them from the tracks.

The hardest part of parenting is knowing when to take pre-emptive action. I know parents who are so passive that they enable the worst kind of behavior in their children, and others who were so overbearing that once their children left home for the first time, they rebelled and experimented with every imaginable behavior. So I continue the hard task of parent children who are rapidly becoming young adults. I struggle with balance, I struggle with managing expectations, I struggle with letting go.

"God watch over my children and grant them wisdom in their daily walks. Forgive me the times I have failed them. Forgive me when my example is not as it should be. Forgive them of the foolishness of you youth. Watch over them with a careful and loving hand as they travel the path from childhood to adulthood."  Amen.