Two-phase living

We all feel the constant tension between finding contentment in the moment, and pursueing unmet desires in our life. Maintaining the necessary drive and tension to accelerate your goals and finding peace and contentment in the moment is not an easy task. Too much contentment can lead to lethargy and inaction while being single-mindedly driven can rob us of the joy of the moment.

The key to effective two-phase living is finding joy and contentment in the process of pursueing your goals. If you will allow me a personal example: There are certain financial goals I have set for myself that will allow me to pursue other passions in my life (more time hunting, fishing and exploring nature). I have choosen a couple of avenues to reach those goals (avenues that I enjoy). Advocare allows me to pursue my health and fitness goals, while writing is a welcome relief and catharsis. Each of these also provides some income opportunities that drive the bigger picture.

A few years ago a dear friend relayed a story to me. He was offered an opportunity to work with a very wealthy and successful individual with the promise of a huge payoff at the end. It was the kind of offer many people dream of. It didn't take long until he was earning a great salary and in few years could easily realize most of his financial dreams. There was only one problem - he had no life outside of work. His family suffered, his outlook on life suffered, and ultimately his health started to suffer. After about a year he realized there is more to life than money. Today he is living a modest lifestyle on an island in the South Pacific.

Balance, drive, desire, contentment and goals can sometimes all seem to mitigate against one another. It takes time, planning and a good understanding of self before you can find a healthy balance.

P.S. In a future blog I will deal with how to factor other's expectations of us into pursuing our dreams. No man lives unto himself, or dies unto himself.

What is in your hand?

• I don't have enough money.
• I don't have sufficient eductation.
• I don't get the support I need at work or home.
• Nobody would listen to me...

There are any number of reasons NOT to live the life we dream of, but why not look around and find reasons to achieve, excel and fulfill your dreams. I love God's interaction with Moses in Exodus 4. God has called Moses to return to Egypt and deliver his people from bondage. A pretty monumental task, especially since the old prophet left Egypt in a bit of a hurry (Exodus 2:11-15).

During their discussion Moses asks God, "what if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, the Lord did not appear to you?" (Exodus 4:1). God then asks the prophet, "what is in your hand and told him to throw his staff on the ground." Immediately, his staff became a serpent. When he picked it up again it returned to a staff.

A shepherds staff may not seem very imposing standing before the most powerful monarch in the world, but when God gets hold of it - that is a different story all together. The rest of Exodus 4 has Moses presenting one objection after another to God, until he simply runs out of excuses.

What is in your hand? We spend so much time looking at the obstacles, framing our objections or making excuses that we fail to see all the opportunities that life has to offer. I doubt Moses ever really saw himself as Israel's great deliverer. King David was a small, ruddy, pipsquek of lad when Samuel annointed him King. Gideon went into battle against superior forces with just 300 men.

Sit down tonight and turn all your excuses over to God. I promise you He has an answer for everyone one of them. Once you finish your whining and complaining look around at what is in your hand, or in your house, or best of all in your heart and mind - then go and live your dream!

The Greatest Memorial

I was standing in line at Target when I noticed a very elaborate tattoo on the arm of the young man in front of me. I couldn't help but stare at the detail when I realized it was a memorial to his grandfather. It was beautifully designed and executed on his right forearm.

I do not intend to diminish this man's memorial to his grandfather or any other expression of love and devotion, but for the benefit of my own children I would ask them to refrain from tattooing my name on their bodies, or pasteing the memory of my life in the back window of their SUV. If you want to erect a memorial to your father - be true to God and yourself.

I have a friend who lives in the shadow of her father's life. She is gifted, talented and has so much to offer to the world around her, but I fear she feels the constant pressure to "live up" to her father's achievements. Her life and actions seem more of an attempt to build a shrine to her father than to create a legacy of her own.

Most of us have heard Shakespeare's words from Hamlet, "to thine own self be true..." I would only add to that be what God created you to be. You are unique! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! God designed you like no one else - be who you were created to be.

When I am gone, what I have accomplished is my memorial. Somewhere, written on the lives of others is my legacy. People I may have crossed paths with for an day or known for a lifetime speak more volumes of how I lived than do statues and gravestones and eulogies. The people I touched, the friends I made, the small corner of the globe that I occupy - it is enough.

If you want to honor my legacy - go and live. Be different! Don't conform to the world, or to the ideas and subjective standards of men. Most of all, don't apologize for being who you are.

One Hour, One Day, One Life

Turn off the television!
Get off your butt!
LIVE!

We talk about it, dream about it, but how often do we really do anything about it? I know I am guilty of bemoaning the wasted days and hours of life. I have heard myself say, "If I had it all to do over again." Why are we all so reluctant to get out there and take the life we dream of? Fear, Doubt, what others might think - excuses, nothing but excuses.

Think about it! What can you accomplish in the next hour to get you closer to the life you envision for yourself? Sometimes its just simple things like NOT eating that donut you are craving, or turning off the television and reading a good book that has been sitting on your shelf for six months.

Granted, some things we dream of take time, money and planning, but even in those cases we have to ask ourselves "is what I am doing taking me closer to the life I want or father from it?"

What about today? What can you do today that is part of the life you dream of. Last night everyone was gone from the house. I brewed a cup of Jamacain Blue Mountain coffee, grabbed a great book and sat quietly by the fire for an hour and half and read in peace, quiet and solitude. That is almost as good as it gets.

One Life - thats it, no second chances to live today. You have one life to invest in others, one life to find happiness, one life to leave a legacy. This is the only life in which you can climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, run with the bulls in Pamplona, or sit by the fire with a cup of coffee and a good book.

Just for today - do at least one thing that is part of "dream life."

Cheerleaders, Counselors & Friends

Sometimes I stop and actually try to look objectively at my own life and the inconsistencies are glaring! I have never been the kind of person that is motivated by the cheerleader approach to life. What do I mean by cheerleader approach, "Yeah rah, you can do it, go, go, go." That is where the inconsistencies come - sometimes I find myself using that approach in trying to help others.

Maybe this is over-simplified, but I can think of three ways we need to approach others as a source of encouragement and motivation: 1) Cheerleaders, 2) Counselors, and/or 3) Friends. Yes, I know, some of these may overlap at times, but here is my take on helping others.

Cheerleaders: There are times that all we really need is a little encouragement or support. We need someone to believe in us, or at the very least pretend to believe in us. A simple "you can do it," may be all they need to take them to the next level.

Counselors: I am not talking about professional counselors (though they certainly have their place). This is when you need to sit down with someone, listen carefully and guide them through the morass and strugglesof life. They may not be abe to see clearly, or understand the path they are on and they need someone to hold them accountable, help them define the problem, or see options they have not considered.

Friends: Finally there are those times you just need someone you trust to sit and listen. You don't want advice, you aren't looking for a placebo to help you past the little heartache or pain you are experiencing. You need that trusted confidant who can hear the worst, but still beleive the best.

I guess there are two life lessons here for me: 1) I need to learn to look for help in the right places at the right time. Calling a cheerleader when I need a friend is just going to irritate the fire out of me; 2) I need to stop and listen when others are sharing their walk through life. I need to learn to understand what they need - a cheerleader, a counselor or a friend.

February 12

It's Tuesday, February 12, 2013!

So what is so special about February 12, 2013 - only the fact that it is now over half gone and you will never get it back. The time you spent watching the morning news, or creeping on your friends on Facebook has slipped by almost inperceptably.  The five minutes you sat at your desk just wondering, "what should I do first?" Gone, all of it is gone and you can't recover it.

Think about other opportunities in your life that may come only once. Some of the guys who played in the 2013 Super Bowl may never get there again. They got one shot at it and it may be their last. For me, spending two days in London, or climbing Oluma Rock in Nigeria, or the last time I got to tell my mom how much I loved her. Some things in life we approach with an awareness of finality - we know we may never cross that path again.

What if you approach each day understanding that it is the last time you will pass that milestone in your life. The last 02/12/2013 you will ever see! What are you going to do with it?

One of my pet peeves in life is hearing people wish their life away. "I can't wait till Friday and the weekend, or I can't wait till June and our family vacation." I understand there is a sense of expectation as special events approach in our lives, but why do we trade the treasure that is today, for the uncertainty of tomorrow.

So its February 12, 2013! You have roughly 10 hours left and it will be gone forever. Make those hours count. Call your mother. Take your kids out for ice cream. Write a new chapter in your own book of life.

Living in a Well

   I was reminded this week why I am not Joel Osteen fan, or an advocate of the "prosperity gospel." I was sitting having a cup of coffee and the local coffeeshop had Olsteen's television broadcast on in the background. He was closing out a sermon with an illustration about a frog that lived in a well. I will try to condense it down for this post.

   "There was a frog that lived in a small well and was happy that he had all the water he could ever want. One day he climbed to the top of the well and saw a pond much larger than the well and was excited about this new habitat he could live in. From there he traveled till he found a lake the size of an ocean . . . and on it went." The application was, God wants you to have this and so much more. Why limit yourself to the humble dwellings around you. Just believe and you can achieve.

   Most of you who know me, or have read my posts understand that I am a huge advocate of having a positive outlook on life and pursuing your dreams. To me, that is a lot different than "God wants you to have everything you can imagine." Whatever happened to "godliness with contentment is great gain" (I Timothy 6:6). The little frog was happy with his accomodations until he saw something bigger and better. Isn't that what the advertising industry does to us everyday. They create a percieved "need" that isn't a need at all, but a want.

   As I get older, I find peace and comfort in simplicity. I look around at all I have accumulated and I have to ask myself, "to what end?" The first time I returned from Africa in 1987 I had this urge to sell everything. I was ashamed I had so much and the rest of the world had so little. Like most people that feeling passed and I got caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones' mentality." No longer is my desire for simplicity and a knee-jerk reaction to world poverty, or an emotional response to some "save the children campaign," I want contentment.

   I want more than to learn contentment, I want to exercise that kind of peace in my life. It is a hard discipline and television doesn't help. Cookings shows make me want food, home improvement shows make me want change, television advertising makes me want ______________.

   So to all the Joel Olsteens in the world I have this to say. Quit preaching to us about having it all, or that God wants us to have this or that - I have seen a world of sorrow from people who say, "I did this, or bought this, because God wants me to be happy." Try teaching people about contentment, about living a quiet and peaceful life. Give them the tools to cope with grief and poverty and heartache and sorrow. God help me that whatever state I find myself in, "therein to be content."

 



Good Advice - Try it sometime

   I recently had a friend who has been out of work and like many has struggled to find their next job. It isn't because of lack of effort or desire, this individual is just one more casualty of our failed economy. In an attempt to be encouraging another friend suggested that they pursue their dream job - the one they actually went to college for. Being the skilled motivator that I am, I jumped on the bandwagon and seconded that idea. Now that is easy for those of us working, but over the past week I have struggled internally with a nagging voice in my head - "That's good advice Trent - why don't you try it sometime."

   Just under a year ago I sat down and laid out some ambitious goals. Most of them were the typical things we all hope for - get in better shape, work on my retirement and financial situation, but I also set some very personal and lofty goals that have been, for the most part dormant since last April. Just like my friend there have been lots of valid reasons for NOT doing some of the things I dream of, at least not today, but that nagging voice still haunts me saying, "why, what are you waiting for." Seriously? Let's see:

• I have an obligation to my family.
• I have bills that have to be paid.
• I have a reputation to consider.

   There are plenty of additional items I could add to the list: doubt, fear, procrastination, but mostly I have had to stop and ask that really tough question - "How bad do you really want it?" When I decided to lose over 40 lbs. I finally came to the point I could answer that question. I was willing to change my eating, be miserable while trying to exercise and look ridiculous as that old fat man running down the street. I didn't care! I was tired of being old, fat and tired.

   Now my admonition to a friend has boomeranged and hit me right between the eyes. I was at the store today and met a lovely young lady named Kenya. We talked about her name and about Africa when she said to me, "As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to go to Kenya. Ever since I realized where my name came from, but I know it will probably never happen." I smiled and told her to never say that to herself again. I encouraged her to envision her flight to Nairobi and begin to talk about "WHEN I go to Kenya." I assured her that if she truly wanted to go, she could make it happen. She smiled the biggest smile and said, "I AM GOING TO KENYA." As I walked out of the store I think we were both inspired just a little.

   So physician heal thyself. My next book is about half finished, but will be completed by the end of February. That is just the first of a series of things that will happen this year. I will share the next one with you just as soon as the book is finished.

   This is one blog where I am not going to challenge you to join me, or give you some lofty ideal to follow. This about personal accountability. I am going to stop preaching, stop meddling, stop giving advice (at least for today) and try to take a little of my own. A friend, Rick Loy had this on his facebook page today, "What we do (behavior) is what we really believe. The rest is just talk or self-deception. Behavior reveals true priorities/values."

it's your choice

The other day I was watching a 30 for 30 episode on ESPN about Todd Marinovich. As I didd I thought about all the highs and lows we go through in life. If you are familiar with the story there are any number of thoughts you can take from it:

• Was Todd's father the textbook case of an overbearing, controlling father?
• Did Todd squander his opportunities for greatness on drugs and alcohol?
• Was Todd the innocent victim of other's expectations?

Most of those questions are irrelevant and the meaningless speculation and hindsight of people who did not live through what Todd did. At some point in the story I experienced each of those feelings, but what I took away from the story is where Todd seems to be today. He seems to have found some level of peace with his own life, rebuilt his relationship with his father and is trying not to repeat these lessons with his own son.

The truth is Todd's life isn't much differen than yours or mine. No, I never used cocaine. I have only been in prison by choice (visiting a friend or attempting to do prison ministry). I did at times have a strained relationship with my own father, but I now understand he only wanted what was best for his boys. I was never a top athelete and didn't play professional sports. As a matter of fact I have never been the "star performer" in any avenue of my life. So how are Todd and I alike? Simple, life happens to us all.

There have been days in my life when I couldn't hardly get off my knees because I was so low, discouraged and defeated all I could do was pray. There were times I prayed the most fervent prayers imaginable, but those prayers were for God to take and take me now. I have known the struggle of not knowing how I was going to face another day.

Now I find that most days I am the optimist. Life is still hard. I struggle with politics, religion and the economic morass that is our country, but I CHOOSE happiness. I choose to look for the bright side of life. I choose to believe that better days are ahead. Could I be wrong? Absolutely, but I will not surrender today worrying about tomorrow.

How we live each day is choice. Sometimes you hear people blaming their lives on others. That's just too easy. You can change the circumstances of your life. You can be happier, live life more fully and be the kind of person who brings sunshine and promise into the lives of others.

Who determines your destiny?

I recieved a stark reminder this year that we still live in the greatest nation in the world. Yes, I have been perturbed about the election, the infringement of our constitutional rights and the growing debt burden that is facing America. Still, this is a land of opportunity and optimism. Let us not forget that almost half our nation (probably more) still holds to traditional, conservative, entreprenuerial values.

In April of this year I realized that I had become a slacker. I wasn't eating right and I had become old, fat and tired. I lost my motivation and it was even impacting my work (no energy). Now for the commercial. I changed my habits, started eating right and yes, for those of you tired of hearing it - I signed up with Advocare. I lost 43 lbs and feel great, energetic and best of all I am the old optimist I used to be.

In addition I needed to earn more income. I was behind on my retirement planning and with two girls in school I had to find a way to help fund their education. I always avoided direct sales, but this time I gave it a try and in a few short months finding another $1,000 a month made a huge difference in the bottom line.

So are you the person who cries in your coffee, or do you do something about the circumstances in your life while you still can. Get up, get active and get on the success train.