In the mirror in my child's eyes.

It was a typical Sunday evening and I was standing in the back of the church building when, of all things, my posture was called into question. My wife said, "stop and look at yourself." Not quite sure where this discourse was heading I said the only reasonable thing I could, "what are you talking about?"  "You standing their with your hands on your hips - you son does the exact same thing."  Sure enough she was right, my odd way of standing had been adopted by my 6 year old son.

Some of the traits we pass on to our children are relatively harmless, while others are not. There is  no greater grief in my life than seeing my children adopt a negative behavior that I know they learned from me. Nothing brings me to my knees quicker, or humbles me more thoroughly than this.

This week I was competing in a tennis match when my opponent started to share some of his own heartaches about his children and grand-children. All in all he described 3 generations of addicts in his family. His conclusion was that his family was genetically pre-disposed to addictive behavior. I wanted to ask about the enviroment and pattern of behavior that had been prevelant in his family tree, but it wasn't the kind of discussion you had between points or at the change-over of sides.

Maybe there is some biological, or genetic tendency towards certain behaviors, but I am convinced that most of our behaviors are taught and learned. Our children are watching us, and waiting for us to lead them. They prefer we lead by example - that we demonstrate the qualities and characteristics we deem so important in their lives. There are however times when we must bridge the gap of our own sins and failings and demand that our children rise above the "sins of the father."

Sometimes it is hard to look in the mirror of my child's eyes. It reminds me of how much is at stake. Father give me strength to teach by word and example the lessons my children need to learn.

Push Ups & Porches

It was a beautiful day today.  Blue sky's, temperatures in the low 80's with a soft breeze blowing just enought to keep things cooled down. After a back and forth tennis match, a leisurely lunch on the patio at Tito's I decided it was time to brush the dust off Scarlett and take her for a ride.

Rides through the country always remind me of what a great job we do of complicating our lives. Overcrowded malls, cell phones, and simply putting too many things on our agenda to stop and enjoy life. Today I treated myself to a simple pleasure from my childhood.

I stopped at the Bethesda market. Just another small town market, except that it had a small game processing center. The coolest part of stopping for a few minutes was the extra long church pew sitting on the front porch and an orange push up I purchased for 49 cents.  That's Right - 49 cents for a push up.

So I sat on the porch enjoying my push up as the locals drifted in and out over the next 30 minutes. 7 pickup trucks, two ghetto cruisers and one "project car." By project car I mean a vehicle that looked like it was assembled at the Goodwill. Bumpers from one vehicle and quarter panels from another. There was a blue door and a red door with patches of bondo spread strategically along the sides.

I struggle with understanding why we make life so difficult. A lot of it has to do with "STUFF." We covet stuff, we work longer hours to accumulate stuff and then we have garage sales to get rid of stuff.  Just give me a push up and a peaceful Saturday afternoon and I am a happy man.

It's all about me

"It's all about me!" What are the first thoughts that come into your head when you hear that phrase. Is it the self-absorbed teenage girl depicted on most of today's sitcoms, or someone in your office who has the mistaken idea that they are at the center of the universe?

For just a minute I want to throw a positive spin on focusing on yourself. What if it's all about me = personal responsibility. If I want to get ahead in this world, make a difference, or leave a legacy then it's all about me. I can no longer blame my boss, my spouse or some cosmic forces in the universe for the bad things that happen, or my inability to transcend adversity.

Let me give you a simple example most of us can understand. I want to lose some weight and get in better shape this year. I have used all the excuses most common to the failed dieter. "I am too busy to exercise" or "we keep too much junk food in the house" or "I don't get any support from my friends and family." No, it falls on me. I have plenty of time for my favorite television shows. It is possible to push away from the table, or avoid the pantry at 1:00 AM and my weight and health are my responsibility. Help and encouragement are great, but I can't use others as a crutch for my own failure to act.

I am going to try an experiment this week and see what happens. This week it's all about me!  It's about the decisions I make, the choices in life, and the discipline to put best before better and better before good. It is a very busy week and I have more to accomplish than I care to think about, but I am committed to make this week all about me and take responsibility for whatever comes my way.

No Regrets - Really!

The last few weeks have been extremely busy, a little stressful and filled with more than a few "deja vu" moments. As my 52nd birthday rushes upon me I think about a common, rather flippant statement that we sometimes make, "I have no regrets."  REALLY!  Come on now, no regrets - none?

I understand the person who says, I have no regrets because all the circumstances of my life have made me the person I am today, but I don't completely buy it either. I have regrets!  People that I hurt through thoughtless, selfish actions - I deeply regret those moments and decisions. Choices I made that stunted my spiritual and emotional development - those are things I would certainly do differently. Relationships that I took for granted, or damaged because I wasn't the man that I needed to be - all those things I deeply regret.

Now the flip side of all that is "what have I learned to make me a better person? I firmly believe that our mistakes, missteps and transgressions can serve as a catalyst to a better, more meaningful life. Regrets don't have to cripple us. No matter how henious, vile, or base the actions of my past may have been - God offers us redemption. Not only redemption from sin, but a redemption that frees us to be something better, someone who can make a difference.

We often forget that the apostle Paul (Saul of Tarsus), was the sworn enemy of the church, that he persecuted Christians and consented to their torture and death. I imagine he had more than a few regret, but look what he made of his life.

Regrets - yes, I have a few, but the possibilities for the future - Limitless.